Amy: Hi, Mom.
How are you doing? Oh, good.
How's work? That's nice.
I'm fine.
Hey, listen, I've been meaning to ask, how come Aunt Doe and Aunt Florence never got along?
Penny: Okay, just give me that. Amy broke up with Sheldon, she got her ears pierced and she made us eat penis cookies!
Hang on. She wants to talk to you.

Beverly Hofstadter: His name is Sigmund Freud.
Penny: Hey! Look at that. You both believe in Jewish bearded guys.
Mary Cooper: Stay out of this.
Penny: Uh-huh.

Leonard: Uh, hurry. Raj is on next.
Penny: All right. I can't believe they canceled Vampire Diaries but they'll show this.
Leonard: This is the news.
Penny: And that was a woman torn between two hunky vampires. What is your point?

Penny: The new neighbors are weird.

Penny: So, whichever rep has the best sales for the quarter gets a trip for two to Hawaii.
Amy: That would be so romantic for you and Leonard.
Penny: Yeah, clearly you haven't seen him on the beach walking around with his metal detector.

Penny: You can't tell her what she can or can not do.
Sheldon: Last week you told Leonard he couldn't wear his wookie jacket out in public.
Penny: That's different. I'm not going to the mall with somebody dressed like a dumb space bear.

Leonard: He really worked with the Drug Enforcement Agency?
Penny: He didn't know it 'til he was cuffed, but yeah.

Howard: We're going to see Richard Feynman. Penny, Richard Feynman is an iconic phys-
Penny: I know who he is. Leonard dressed as him for Halloween last year.

Amy: You have an engagement ring?
Sheldon: Yes.
Amy: Penny, did you know about this?
Penny: All right, let's go.

Amy: Ooh, you just chose champions. It's like we're re-enacting the ancient German practice of trial by combat.
Penny: It's also like when the Mountain fought the Red Viper in Game of Thrones.
Bernadette: Leonard makes you watch that, too?
Penny: No, I like that show. It's got dragons and people doing it.

Leonard: I mean I was on fire. I was in the zone like an athlete.
Penny: Sweetie, I beat you at this, too.

Penny: I'm serious. Who wants to do all that stuff? Have insurance, pay mortgages, leave one of those little notes when you hit a parked car.
Amy: I told you it was Penny.
Penny: Oh come on. It wasn't me. Anybody could have knocked your mirror off. Or whatever happened.

Stuart: How's it going?
Raj: Good. Sheldon's out of town so we can do whatever we want. We even ordered from the Thai place he doesn't like.
Stuart: How is it?
Penny: Disgusting. Do not tell him.

Penny: So, what do you think?
Leonard: I thought it would be a little more ... just more.
Penny: I'm not even sure why we were out of breath.

Wil Wheaton: Well, I've certainly taken some jobs I've been embarrassed by.
Penny: I wouldn't exactly call Star Trek embarrassing.
Wil Wheaton: I wasn't.
Penny: Me either.