Penny: You wrote vows?
Leonard: Yes.
Penny: I don't have any. You're kind of making me look bad.
Leonard: I don't have to say them.
Penny: No, go ahead. I'll come up with something mushy, you'll cry. We've got this.

Leonard: Well, I can't read your mind, Penny!
Penny: Really? Why not? You're so smart, and I'm so dumb.

Amy: I guess this is what we get for being with two testosterone-fueled alpha males. At some point, they're bound to lock horns.
Penny: I'm assuming these are some kind of horns they bought at Comic-Con?

Penny: Get away from me or I swear to God I will rip out what's left of your pubes!

Sheldon: What would constitute a perfect day for you?
Penny: Well, I'd probably sleep in. Do a little yoga. Then lie on the beach while cute cabana boys brought me drinks, and probably get a massage. Then probably cap off the night with some dancing.
Sheldon: That's it?
Penny: Yeah, why?
Sheldon: You didn't mention Leonard.
Penny: He's there.
Sheldon: I don't think so. Leonard can't stand yoga, the beach, massages or dancing.
Penny: Yeah, well, he brought a book.

Penny: Well, I can't read people's minds. Actually, that's not true, I can read men's minds, but only because it's usually the one thing.
Sheldon: When are we going to get robot eyes.
Penny: You're all alike.

Penny: Leonard, I don’t know what to tell you. It was just a hug.
Leonard: Glad we cleared that up.
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: I guess I'll see you.
Penny: Okay, have a safe trip.
Leonard: Thank you. Bye.
Penny: Okay, bye. [closes door] It means I wish you weren't going.

Penny: You know when they chase you out of there, you only have to run faster than Sheldon.

Sheldon: This reminds me of a traditional Amish barn raising. With everyone pitching in.
Howard: How exactly are you pitching in?
Sheldon: I don't hear anyone else giving facts about traditional Amish barn raising.
Leonard: The rest of us are pitching in with hammers and nails.
Sheldon: Well, facts are my nails, and my voice is the hammer which pounds them through the wood of your skull.
Penny: Well, that is how it feels.

Penny: So neither of them showed up for work today?
Leonard: No, I tried calling and no one picked up.
Penny: Look, I'm sure they're fine. They were probably up all night coming up with a new theory.
Leonard: I also texted to see if he wanted to go to the new Fantastic Beasts movie and he didn't respond.
Penny: All right, well, they're already dead. There's nothing we can do.

Amy: How long do you think you can keep it from him?
Bernadette: Yeah, isn't it gonna get worse the longer you wait?
Penny: Well, not necessarily. You know, Dad's not getting any younger, so if I wait long enough, I'll just tell him he walked me down the aisle and it was magical.

Amy: Think about all the fun things you get to do when you have a baby.
Penny: Yeah, yeah. You get to buy toys and little clothes.
Bernadette: I kind of already do that for Howie.

Howard: I'll take the apartment upstairs. I can finally get away from my mother, and we can spend some more time together, if you catch my drift.
Penny: The horror.

Sheldon: The Hungarians are just using you for dragon fodder.
Penny: Really? Boy, you'd think you could trust a horde of Hungarian barbarians.

Leonard: Do you remember when you were a kid and you'd watch Professor Proton?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Well, did he ever make you-- I don't know-- hate science and the people who do it?
Sheldon: What are you saying?
Leonard: I just think it would be better if your contempt for children wasn't so much in the foreground.
Sheldon: Well, you want me to lie?
Penny: Well, it's not lying. It's acting. Sheldon Cooper may not like kids, but Professor Proton loves them.
Sheldon: Interesting. You know, I hadn't really thought of it that way. It's similar to how I'm afraid of dogs, but my D&D character likes dogs, you know? But he's allergic, so he can't be around them.
Penny: Why don't we have a dog?