Penny: What do you think? Should we go to a hotel?
Leonard: And just leave him here alone?
Penny: Okay, I'll go to a hotel. Text me in the morning if you're still alive.

Penny: Little lower to the left. A little more.
Leonard: Is it good?
Penny: No, still hideous.
Leonard: Well, I'm sure at some point, we won't even notice it's there.
Penny: Yeah, you'd think that, but after a while it starts showing up in your dreams.

Leonard: It's hard to believe Howard's having a kid.
Penny: Yeah.
Amy: Penny, you're the one who introduced him to Bernie.
Penny: How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?

Leonard: Stupid idea.
Penny: No, what's stupid is a physicist who doesn't understand when you swing an axe, you don't let go.
Leonard: For the tenth time, my mittens were slippery!
Penny: Ugh. It's 70 degrees, you didn't need mittens.
Leonard: You know how easily I blister.
Penny: Yes, yes, you bruise, you peel. It's like I'm married to an old piece of fruit.

Penny: When was the last time you got a massage?
Amy: Sheldon walked on my back two weeks ago, but that was just 'cause there was a spider on his pillow and he was trying to get away.
Penny: Leonard stood on me once, too, but he was just trying to see the Rose Parade.

Leonard: Listen, we realized, that, uh we're facing some new challenges as a married couple.
Penny: Yeah. And there are a few things we need to stay on top of. So we thought it would useful, and I can't believe I am about to say this-
Leonard: Would you please help us make a Relationship Agreement? But one that's tailored to us. Okay? We don't need a bathroom schedule.
Penny: Although a rule about him texting me from in there might help with the romance.

Bernadette: It's supposed to be accurate, like, 85% of the time.
Penny: Wow, I find that hard to believe.
Leonard: That a bunch of awkward scientists with no social skills would invent a machine to do it for them?
Penny: I take it back. I believe it.

Penny: I don't see the big deal if my brother comes and stays for a while.
Leonard: If you get him a job, he's gonna live here forever!
Penny: He would get his own place.
Leonard: Has he ever had his own place?
Penny: Yes!
Leonard: Did it have a metal toilet next to the bed?
Penny: It still counts.

Penny: Sorry, guys. This club was so great. How could they turn it into a bookstore? I thought we got rid of all those.

Bernadette: You're upset I had a baby?
Penny: No, of course not. I just I didn't think it would make me have all these feelings.
Amy: What feelings?
Penny: Pressure! I mean, she's looking at preschools, she has a minivan, she has a 401(k). Before she talked about it, I just thought that was a race.

Penny: What is happening?
Leonard: This is an Euler's Disk. It's a physics toy that demonstrates angular momentum, potential energy, and kinetic energy.
Penny: Aw, look at you watching sports.

Penny: That must've been expensive.
Raj: Yeah, it was. But it's my father's money and I'm mad at him.
Leonard: What's going on with your dad?
Penny: And if you really want to hurt him, I look great in Chanel.

Leonard: We're helping Raj figure out his finances.
Penny: Well, he has a job. How bad can it be?
Sheldon: Well, his rent and car lease are exceedingly high. You couple that with his penchant for dining out and shopping-
Penny: Wait, wait. Not shopping for clothes, right? Because look. (points to Raj)

Leonard: Look, just because we took our friend in does not mean that Penny and I are afraid to be alone.
Penny: Yeah, this is a special circumstance.
Beverly Hofstadter: Sheldon mentioned you tried to get your brother to live with you, as well.
Penny: Yeah, well, a circumstance can happen twice and still be special.

Leonard: You are not a burden, and we want you to come back and stay with us.
Raj: But I also upset Sheldon, and he's not gonna want to come over if I'm there.
Penny: More reasons for you to stay.