Bernadette: So, I talked to your supervisor, and she said that she never stopped you from working on my team, because you never asked her.
Penny: Really? Oh, you know, you should know, she's been taking our new antidepressant, and lying is one of the main side effects.

Leonard: Don't make it sound childish. It's the scientific word for dust.
Penny: What was wrong with "dust"?

Penny: Are you sure you're not just a little jealous?
Leonard: No. It's just, my way is better, but they won't even consider it.
Penny: Oh, well, it's their loss. Look, why don't you go to bed. I'll run out and get you some medicine.
Leonard: Ah, it's okay. Stuart gave me some when I was at the comic book store.
Penny: Really? You're taking medicine from Stuart? Doesn't he need, like, all of it?

Penny: Okay, that's my dad. Now, remember, do not bring up any baby stuff, all right? Not me not wanting one, not you having one with Zack.
Leonard: Got it.
Penny: And if he brings it up, change the subject to literally anything else.
Leonard: I got it.
Penny: But not the Cornhuskers. Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
Leonard: Is that a sports team?
Penny: Never mind, you're good.

Wyatt: You two might want to talk louder or quieter.
Penny: In high school, he could hear me open a can of beer in my closet under a blanket.

Leonard: Oh, a-and that, uh, the guy that played the werewolf on-on True Blood, he was there.
Penny: Wh-- Joe Manganiello?
Leonard: Uh, yeah.
Penny: From Magic Mike?
Leonard: What's that?
Penny: Okay, okay, did he look like this?
Leonard: He had his clothes on, but, yeah.

William Shatner: Are we playing musical chairs or Dungeons & Dragons?
Penny: Yeah, let's teach that ogre what my broadsword tastes like.
William Shatner: I like your moxie.
Penny: Aw, and I like your grandpa words.

Amy: It's not nice. She's having on the scientists who are trying to steal our Nobel Prize.
Sheldon: Although I will enjoy watching her expose Pemberton and Campbell for the coattail-riding frauds that they are.
Leonard: That is Ellen's brand, gotcha journalism.
Penny: Yeah, you should've seen her take down John Krasinski last week. Got him to admit he loved his wife. It was brutal.

Amy: It's for the Nobel Laureates. We need them on our side, but unfortunately, Sheldon-
Penny: No. "Unfortunately, Sheldon" that's all you got to say.

Penny: So none of them are coming to the reception?
Amy: I don't think so.
Penny: Okay, what did he say that was so insulting?
Amy: Well, he may have suggested there was an inelegance to the quadrupole normalization of Smoot's data.
Penny: Damn.

Penny: Okay, look, Sheldon's a pain in the ass. But Dr. Fowler's really nice. So if you average them out - math - you got someone who's okay.
Leonard: But more than the person, the Nobel is about the work. You should understand that more than anyone.
Penny: Yes, because of your work on gravitational waves.
Kip Thorne: You know my work?
Penny: I do. But I'm-I'm really hogging this conversation. Leonard?

Leonard: Just give them a chance. Uh, science has a history of difficult people. Look at, uh, Newton, who was a jerk to Leibniz, and Leibniz, who was a jerk to everyone.
Penny: Yeah, you know, and I don't need to tell you that gravitational waves are disturbances in the curvature of space-time. Or that the- Hey, you worked on the movie Interstellar?

Sheldon: I tried to console her, but nothing seemed to work.
Leonard: Okay, when you say you consoled her, what exactly does that mean?
Sheldon: [sighs] I took a walk, I came back, she was still upset, so I came here.
Penny: Well, I don't see what else you could've done.

Penny: How's your headache?
Leonard: It's better. The throwing up really helped.
Penny: Mm. I'm so sorry you missed the end of the movie.
Leonard: Oh, it's okay. Everyone talked about it so much on the ride home, I feel like I saw it.
Penny: Well, to be fair, you talked about the bathroom so much, we felt like we saw that, too.

Penny: Sweetie, you have got to stand up for yourself. You know, maybe Sheldon's right. Maybe you are that word he said.
Leonard: Satisficer?
Penny: Yeah, that! That's the one. Boy, sounds way more made-up when you say it.