Howard: You know, I thought our friendship meant more to you.
Raj: So did I.

Sheldon: We'll take some funions.
Amy: Anything else?
Sheldon: Some York Peppermint Patties, a couple of Dr. Peppers, and run to Best Buy and see if they have a portable DVD player and Season 1 of a show called Hannah Montana.
Raj: Have her get Season 2. In Season 1 it was still finding itself.

Dr. Koothrappali: Tilt up the camera, I'm looking at his crotch.
Raj: Sorry, Papa!
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, there's much better. Hi.

Raj: That is one tough birdie.

Rajesh: Why don't we do it your way then? We'll arrange for this girl to move in across the hall from Dennis so he can pathetically moon over her for months on end.
Leonard: Okay, that was uncalled for.
Rajesh: You started it, dude.

Leonard: This is our year, with those guys out, the entire Physics Bowl will kneel before Zod.
Penny: Zod?
Howard: Kryptonian villain, long story.
Raj: Good story. (Covers his mouth upon realizing he spoke to Penny sober)

Raj: I'm a lamb!

Raj: This is not over!

Raj: Tell her I have a deep sexy voice like James Earl Jones.
Howard: She doesn't know what James Earl Jones sounds like.
Raj: Great. Then she won't know I'm lying.

Raj: You want a real challenge, try keeping me from eating more of these.
Sheldon: You're just using food to mask the fear that you're fundamentally unlovable and therefore going to be alone forever.
Raj: Damn it, he's good at that, too.

Raj: I don't know which Hemsworth is playing Logan Dean, but I know it's a Hemsworth.
Leonard: Well, Logan's actually based on me.
Raj: So a young Paul Giamatti.

Raj: Well, I know how you feel. I tried one of those electronic Japanese toilets, practically shot myself across the room.

Howard: So what did you end up doing?
Raj: Not much. Nuked a burrito. Prayed to the Hindu God Urvashi that your bowels would loosen and your penis would droop like a willow tree.

Amy: Did you say you guys are working on the guidance system tomorrow?
Leonard: Yeah, why?
Amy: Well, Sheldon said that he was gonna work with me on our quantum perception project.
Leonard: We've had this planned for a week.
Amy: Well, he reconfirmed with me this morning.
Raj: Guys, before this gets ugly, remember, the winner gets Sheldon.

Leonard: Those guys are good at self-promoting, so what? No one ever won a Nobel for being nice.
Raj: Yeah, but if they did, do you know who would win one?
Howard: Are you gonna say Tom Hanks?
Raj: He picked up a shovel and helped the guy replant.