Raj: I haven't cried this hard since Toy Story 3.

Raj: Boy, I bet Ellen Page's friends aren't giving her this kind of crap!

Raj: Oh Leonard, you remind me of the funny old story of the man who walks into a Women's Correctional Facility with a stack of paperwork that would allow the female convicts to go free.
Leonard: You're saying I couldn't get laid in woman's prison with a handful of pardons.
Raj: Are you going to let me tell the story or not?

Raj: Ok, two words. Deaf chick. It doesn't matter if I can't talk because she can't hear me.
Leonard: What?
Raj: That's what she said.

Raj: This is not over!

Raj: Oh, you're so arrogant. If you were a super hero your name would be Captain Arrogant. And do you know what your super power would be? Arrogance.

Howard's mom: Howard, I made cookies for you and your little friends.
Howard: That's great, mom. Thanks.
Howard's mom: I'll bring them up with some Hawaiian Punch.
Howard: *startled* Don't come up here!
Howard's mom: Why not? Are you ashamed of your mother?
Howard: Yes, but that's not the point. Get me out of here!
Leonard: Do you have any ideas, Raj?
Raj: Right now all I can think about is cookies and Hawaiian Punch.

Leonard: I'd suggest using some lubricant, but I have a feeling you fell on that as well.
Howard: Not funny, Leonard.
Raj: Really? A robot hand’s got a death grip on your junk, dude. That’s funny, ask anyone.

Raj: Not only are there children starving in India, there's an Indian starving right here.

Raj: I'm a lamb!

Raj: You know there's something I've always wondered about Aquaman.
Leonard: Yeah?
Raj: Where does he poop?
Leonard: What?
Raj: What do the toilets look like in Atlantis? How would you flush it? And when you did flush it, where would the poop go?

Raj: You slipped and fell into a robotic hand.
Wolowitz: Yes.
Raj: Penis first?
Wolowitz: Yes.

Raj: Come on! You know I can't talk to women unless I'm lit up like the Hindu festival of Diwali.

Leonard: I've always been a little confused about this. Why don't Hindus eat beef?
Raj: We believe cows are gods.
Sheldon: Not technically. In Hinduism, cattle are thought to be like God.
Raj: Do not tell me about my own culture, Sheldon! In the mood I'm in, I'll take you out, I swear to cow!

Raj: Incredible. You managed to screw up the screw up.