Sheldon: Alright, I'm mad at you. Not only did you ruin Raiders for me, you might have ruined the whole franchise. Except for the fourth one, which was bad before you got your mitts on it.

Alfred Hofstadter: You're a patient young lady.
Sheldon: Hey, hey! She's mine! Take a cold shower, grandpa!

Sheldon: Beverly believes I unconsciously consider my old room an escape hatch.
Amy: Is that bothering you?
Sheldon: Yes. I don't care for unconscious thoughts. My brain and I are best friends. It should tell me everything.
Amy: I mean, how it relates to our relationship, not the bromance between you and your brain.

Sheldon: What do you say to a graduate of the U.C. Berkeley Physics Department? I'll have fries with that. Because his education hasn't prepared him for a career in the sciences.

Sheldon: Oh, and FYI, if you cry while they're fighting they'll take you to McDonald's.

Sheldon: Hey, Raj, I owe you an apology. Look, could you please put your dog on a leash?
Raj: Sheldon, she's fine.
Sheldon: Well, then at least hold her still so I can pretend she's stuffed.

Howard: I'm not even sure that's possible.
Colonel Williams: Well, I ran it by some colleagues at MIT, and they thought they could get it done in four months.
Howard: Four months?
Sheldon: Yeah, we'll do it in two! (laughs) Hi, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I'm the actual brains behind this project. Also, engineers aren't real scientists, MIT's a trade school, and the Death Star is from Star Wars, not Star Trek! But otherwise, thank you for your service.

Sheldon: Oh please, I have grudges that go back to preschool. Someday, I'm gonna find a grown-up Elaine Dwyer and eat her favorite crayon while she watches.
Amy: Is that why there's an Elaine Dwyer on our guest list?
Sheldon: Yes. That night, I'm going to have the first dance and the last laugh.

Leonard: Wish we weren't so far from my parking space.
Sheldon: The way you put away those lemon bars, perhaps that's a good thing.
Leonard: I'd like to reinstate the you-not-talking rule.
Sheldon: Why? It clearly doesn't work.

Sheldon: I said some pretty unprofessional things about his work. I may have even used the "S" word.
Amy: Subpar?
Sheldon: I'm not proud of it, Amy, but I have a temper.

Amy: Penny says they're ready to go. Very well.
Sheldon: Prepare for a long night of deceit.
Amy: Sheldon, women can wear makeup, it's not lying.
Sheldon: I was talking about Leonard. And if makeup is so truthful, why is it called "concealer"?

Sheldon: I'm always honest with Amy. The other day she said she was self-conscious about the beauty mark on her shoulder, and I said, "You know, you can call that a beauty mark all you want. When there's hair growing out of it, that's a mole."
Leonard: Do you think she's as honest with you?
Sheldon: I should hope so. When she called me an insensitive jerk, I'd like to think she meant it.

Sheldon: Would you like to play a physics car game I invented called "I Can't Spy?" It's all the nail-biting tension of I Spy but the added fun of sub-atomic particles and waves outside the visible spectrum.
Leonard: If it's half as much fun as "1 x 10 to the 4th bottles of beer on the wall", I'm in.

Sheldon: You know, we were annihilated by our own incompetence and the inability of some people to follow the chain of command.
Leonard: Sheldon, let it go.
Sheldon: No, I want to talk about the fact that Wolowitz shot me in the back.

Amy: I'm not sleeping on the couch 'cause you don't know what's private and what's not.
Sheldon: This isn't fair. You've discussed aspects of our physical relationship with Penny.
Amy: That's different! She's a close friend, not the lady in the cafeteria who cuts the crust off your sandwiches!
Sheldon: That lady has a name. I don't know what it is, but one time, I accidentally called her "Mom".