Sheldon: That's where I sit.
Leonard: What's the difference?
Sheldon: This seat is ideally located both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer. It also faces the television at a direct angle allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play without being subjected to conversation. As a result, I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.

Leonard: I did notify you.
Sheldon: Oh, you did, did you? Oh, drat. Hoisted by my own spam filter.

Sheldon: Wait, let me get my jacket.
Howard: You're not going with us.
Sheldon: Why not?
Raj: You're the guy we're trying to get away from.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, in that case, I don't need my jacket. And for the record, the correct syntax is I'm the guy from whom you're trying to get away.

Sheldon: What it is is a cacophonous assault of eucalyptus, bayberry, cinnamon and vanilla. It's as if my head were trapped in the pajamas of a sultan.

Leslie: So, dumbass, I heard you made a grad student throw up last night.
Sheldon: The truth can indeed be a finger down the throat of those unprepared to hear it. But why should I cater to second-rate minds?

Leslie: So, Sheldon, I see you're organizing papers for the Smithsonian Museum of Dumbassery.
Ramona: There won't be any room until they get rid of the permanent Leslie Winkle exhibit.
Sheldon: Oh, good one.

Ramona: Dr. Cooper, I have to tell you, your friends are holding you back.
Sheldon: I prefer to think of it as I'm pulling them forward.

Agent Page: I just want to ask you a few questions about Howard Wolowitz.
Sheldon: Oh, all right. I doubt anyone would risk the stiff penalties for impersonating a federal officer just to ask questions about a minor league engineer with an unresolved Oedipal complex.

Agent Page: Would you characterize him as responsible?
Sheldon: I'm going to answer this with a visual aid. This my nine-disc complete Lord of the Rings trilogy Blu-ray box-set. Mr Wolowitz borrowed it, damaged plastic retention hub number three, and then returned it to me hoping I wouldn't notice. Would you characterize that as responsible?
Agent Page: That's really not the kind of thing we're interested in.
Sheldon: You heard me say Blu-ray, right?

Sheldon: Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers of bacteria and pestilence. Frankly, it would be more hygienic if they just had a plague infested gibbon sneeze my hands dry.

Sheldon: I wanted a griffin.
Leonard: A griffin.
Sheldon: Yes, half eagle, half lion.
Leonard: And mythological.
Sheldon: Irrelevant. See, I was studying recombinant DNA technology and I was confident I could create one. But my parents were unwilling to secure the necessary eagle eggs and lion semen. Course my sister got swimming lessons when she wanted them.

Sheldon: Hold on. You honestly expect me to believe that social protocol dictates we break our backs helping Wolowitz move, and then he only need buy us a pizza?
Leonard: I'm sorry, that really is how it works.
Sheldon: You're tricking me. You tell me the truth. What do we get?
Leonard: Raj, help me out here.
Raj: You get to choose between a mountain bike or a PS3.
Sheldon: I knew it! PS3, definitely PS3. Who would pick a mountain bike?

Sheldon: Hi. Hello. And a special hello to Leonard, who needs to be mentioned by name.
Leonard: Subtle.
Sheldon: But you got it right.

Sheldon: What does red and yellow mean?
Howard: It means the calibration failed. We have to start over.
Sheldon: Oh. Very well. Reinitiating calibration sequence. *flips switch rapidly* One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten... *lights on drone don't turn solid yellow* eleven. It's a good thing I didn't send that letter.

Howard: What happened to me? When did I become an old man baffled by modern technology? Next thing you know, I'll be hitching my pants up to my armpits and complaining about the awful music the kids are listening to.
Sheldon: It is awful, isn't it? Listen to that noise.