Sheldon: You may have a point. I love my mother. Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.

Koothrappali: Oh, great. No Superman, no Wonder Woman? All we've got is a skinny Flash, an Indian Aquaman, a near-sighted Green Lantern, and a teeny, tiny Dark Knight.
Sheldon: Obviously, we're no longer a Justice League. We have no choice but to switch to our Muppet Baby costumes.
Koothrappali: Ooh, I call Kermit.
Sheldon: I'm Kermit. You're Scooter.
Koothrappali: Oh, man. Scooter sucks. He's the Aquaman of the Muppet Babies.

Sheldon: I am very, very sorry for what I have done. Here's your laundry, I rescind your strikes and you are no longer banished.

Sheldon: Why hast thou forsaken me, O deity whose existence I doubt?

Sheldon: And then the Czech Republic says to Slovakia, I don't think you understand how being broken up works.
Can you believe that? You'd think the Czech Republic would try to hold on to what it did, given it's not as young as it used to be. And I don't see any other countries lining up to invade its southern borders.

Amy: Look, your anxiety levels are right in the zone.
Sheldon: Really? Oh, that's fantastic. No wait, they're dropping. Why are they dropping?
Amy: Because you're happy they're elevated.
Sheldon: Oh, that is infuriating. Oh look, they're going back up again. Terrific. Oh no, they're going back down.

Sheldon: Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and welcome to Sheldon Cooper presents Fun with Flags. You may notice that I'm holding a remote control. That's because my camera person and co-host, Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, has chosen to end her relationship with me.
I'm going to pause here to let that sink in.
Okay. If you need to pause a little longer, just click the pause button.

Sheldon: I beg to differ. I used to live in those genitals. If someone wants to move into my old room, I should at least get a vote.

Santa: All right, let me see if I've got this straight. A picture of you on my lap is a way to punish your girlfriend for making you celebrate Christmas?
Sheldon: Correct.
Santa: Santa thinks dating you might be punishment enough.
Sheldon: There's an argument for that, but I want to make sure.

Bernadette: Sheldon, when was the last time you got any sleep?
Sheldon: I don't know. 2 or 3 days. Not important. I don't need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squatteth the toad of truth.
Penny: Toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?
Leonard: No, that's a crazy thing.

Sheldon: I have one question. Is this a prank? Where you land in Houston and you've made up wanted posters which have my face with a moustache and a Spanish name, and I get arrested and deported to South America?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Well I'm glad, because I would not have seen that coming.

Amy: Let's see. I have been on six dates with three different people. It was either for coffee or dinner. One I met at a bookstore and two I met online. I haven't slept with anyone. The aquarium is 40 minutes away. And there's a baggie of Cheerios for you in the glove compartment.
Sheldon: Uh, regular or honey nut?
Amy: I mixed them.
Sheldon: You mixed them. No wonder gentleman callers are pounding down your door.

Amy: We could also be the first people to procreate on Mars.
Sheldon: You just can't keep it in your space pants, can you?

Sheldon: Pay no attention to that man in the bed.

Howard: Sheldon, some day, if you get a car, I'm sure they'll give you another parking space.
Sheldon: I don't want another parking space. I want my parking space. It's perfect. It's a corner spot, cutting the risk of door-dings in half. It's a mere 28 steps from the building entrance. The nearby tree provides shade on hot days and is also home to a delightful squirrel. Which is fortuitous because most squirrels are real jerks.