Sheldon: I would point out that I am at the top of my profession, while you preside over the kiddie table of yours.

Penny: Well why don't you go to the movies then?
Sheldon: Because who would be there to perform the Heimlich maneuver if I choke on my popcorn?
Penny: So, don't buy popcorn.
Sheldon: No popcorn at the mo - listen to yourself!

Sheldon: I see no organizational system in here whatsoever. Which panties do you wear on Mondays?
Penny: I don't need panties, I just need shorts and a shirt.
Sheldon: My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident.
Penny: One was already in an accident.
Sheldon: Doesn't mean one won't be in another, especially if I'm driving.

Sheldon: The correct animal for inter-species super soldier is the koala. You would wind up with an army so cute, it couldn't be attacked.

Sheldon: What part of an inverse tangent approaching an asymptote don't you understand?

Sheldon: Does anybody have any wood? Oh, come on! I just want wood. Why are you making it so hard?

Sheldon: Please. We're facing a far more serious problem than stray arachnids.
Leonard: It's not so bad.
Sheldon: Not bad? It's horrible. You hear stories about this things, but you never think it'll happen to you.
Leonard:So they steamed your dumplings. Get over it.

Amy: We need to fabricate a tantalising piece of gossip.
Sheldon: And a second non-tantalising piece to use as a control.
Amy: Then we'll track its progress through our social group and interpret the results through the competing academic prisms of mimetic theory, algebraic gossip and epidemiology.
Sheldon: Look at you, getting me to engage in the Social Sciences. You're a vixen, Amy Farrah Fowler.

Penny: Whatcha doin'?
Sheldon: I'm attempting to view my work as a fleeting peripheral image so as to engage the superior coliculus of my brain.
Penny: Interesting. I usually just have coffee. Have you been up all night?
Sheldon: Is it morning?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Then I've been up all night.

Sheldon: Leonard, the people at Nintendo can only go so far in helping us recreate an actual athletic experience. We have to do our part too.

Sheldon: "Barney Bunny has two daddies now." Probably something about homosexual rabbits.

Sheldon: (In Mandarin) Show me your mucus. Your mucus!
Chen: (Mandarin) Blow your own nose and go away!
Sheldon: (Mandarin) This is not a tangerine bicycle. Show me your mucus!
Chen: Crazy man. Call the police.
Sheldon: (Mandarin) No, don't call the library. Show me your mucus.

Penny: So, do you think that if Leonard and I keep dating, Leonard would get bored with me?
Sheldon: That depends.
Penny: On what?
Sheldon: Do you have a working knowledge on Quantum Physics?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Do you speak Klingon?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Do you know any card tricks?

Penny: Where are you going?
Sheldon: Wherever the music takes me, kitten.

Sheldon: I don't care if anybody gets it. I'm going as the Doppler effect. If I have to, I can demonstrate. NYEEEOOOOM