Sheldon: An entire dinner to talk about your research? Where you going? The drive thru at Jack In The Box?

Sheldon: How about this one?
Amy: He's barely moving. He looks half dead.
Sheldon: I know. I like him too.

Sheldon: He has glasses and I'm a know-it-all. We are not built for prison.

Koothrappali: Oh, great. No Superman, no Wonder Woman? All we've got is a skinny Flash, an Indian Aquaman, a near-sighted Green Lantern, and a teeny, tiny Dark Knight.
Sheldon: Obviously, we're no longer a Justice League. We have no choice but to switch to our Muppet Baby costumes.
Koothrappali: Ooh, I call Kermit.
Sheldon: I'm Kermit. You're Scooter.
Koothrappali: Oh, man. Scooter sucks. He's the Aquaman of the Muppet Babies.

Sheldon: I am very, very sorry for what I have done. Here's your laundry, I rescind your strikes and you are no longer banished.

Sheldon: Why hast thou forsaken me, O deity whose existence I doubt?

Leonard: At least listen to it through headphones. I'm trying to sleep, good night.
Sheldon: Boy. Taylor was right. Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

Santa: All right, let me see if I've got this straight. A picture of you on my lap is a way to punish your girlfriend for making you celebrate Christmas?
Sheldon: Correct.
Santa: Santa thinks dating you might be punishment enough.
Sheldon: There's an argument for that, but I want to make sure.

Leonard: This isn't so bad.
Sheldon: That's easy for you to say. Your chair isn't facing the lingerie section. Boy that's a lot of panties.

Bernadette: Sheldon, when was the last time you got any sleep?
Sheldon: I don't know. 2 or 3 days. Not important. I don't need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squatteth the toad of truth.
Penny: Toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?
Leonard: No, that's a crazy thing.

Sheldon: I'm sorry for every mean thing I ever did or said to you.
Howard: I'm sorry too. It's all my fault.
Sheldon: If you weren't my friend there'd be a hole in my life.
Howard: Thank you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Kind of like when Firefly was cancelled, but not as big.

Amy: Think about it. If we had a family there, our kids would be martians.
Sheldon: They would, wouldn't they? We could give them cool martian names. We could teach them about martian history, like who planted those flags or where'd that copy of Mars Attacks come from.

Sheldon: Pay no attention to that man in the bed.

Sheldon: No, the campus isn't safe at night. There's raccoons and undergrads just walking around like they own the place.

Howard: Sheldon, some day, if you get a car, I'm sure they'll give you another parking space.
Sheldon: I don't want another parking space. I want my parking space. It's perfect. It's a corner spot, cutting the risk of door-dings in half. It's a mere 28 steps from the building entrance. The nearby tree provides shade on hot days and is also home to a delightful squirrel. Which is fortuitous because most squirrels are real jerks.