Amy: Look, your anxiety levels are right in the zone.
Sheldon: Really? Oh, that's fantastic. No wait, they're dropping. Why are they dropping?
Amy: Because you're happy they're elevated.
Sheldon: Oh, that is infuriating. Oh look, they're going back up again. Terrific. Oh no, they're going back down.

Amy: Whose bra is this?
Sheldon: It's not yours? Oh, my. How embarrassing for both of us.
Amy: It's Penny's.
Sheldon: Hey. You broke up with me, it's none of your business whose naked bosom I'm smushing around like pizza dough.

Sheldon: Oh, I know, the person I'd most like to have dinner with is myself.
Penny: You sure that's your choice, because I've had that dinner.
Sheldon: Well, I haven't. And although they say never meet your heroes, I just don't see how I could disappoint.

Leonard: It's 3 in the morning!
Sheldon: 3 in the morning is a good time for bongos.
Leonard: I was sleeping!
Sheldon: Leonard sleep while I play bongos.
Leonard: No, I don't.
Sheldon: Leonard no sleep while I play bongos.

Sheldon: (In Mandarin) Show me your mucus. Your mucus!
Chen: (Mandarin) Blow your own nose and go away!
Sheldon: (Mandarin) This is not a tangerine bicycle. Show me your mucus!
Chen: Crazy man. Call the police.
Sheldon: (Mandarin) No, don't call the library. Show me your mucus.

Sheldon: You're mean to me a lot. You think I don't notice all those sarcastic comments and those eye rolls, but I do. I have excellent peripheral vision. On a good day, I can see my ears.

Amy: It's actually steamier than it looks. Sheldon's looking up the phallic symbolism of root vegetables in renaissance paintings.
Sheldon: Oh no, I got bored of that. I'm just browsing cuticle scissors on Amazon.

Penny: This has gotten way out of hand, okay. I've done some stupid things, you've done some stupid things. How about we just call it even, and move on with our lives?
Sheldon: I've done no stupid things.
Penny: Look, you've gotta meet me halfway here.
Sheldon: I am meeting you halfway. I'm willing to concede that you've done some stupid things.

Sheldon: Sorry, kid, you got it worse than a gibbon.

Sheldon: Being in close quarters, cleanliness is important. My hygiene is impeccable. In fact, animals don't trust me because I smell like nothing. Literally, nothing.

Leonard: It's nice that you called them esteemed.
Sheldon: You're right, I'll take that out.

Leonard: I'm bleeding!
Sheldon: Like a gladiator.

Sheldon: You set it on DTS, didn't you?
Leonard: I had to, she called me cutie.

Sheldon: I assume this medical center's already treated the burns on your bottom from the recent pants fire.
Penny: Cause I'm a liar, liar?
Sheldon: That's for the Fire Marshall to determine.

Penny: Normally, I can just ignore you. I mean, I get it. You're a little peculiar. Like Sheldon.
Sheldon: Excuse me, Penny, but in this room, you're the one who's peculiar.