Sheldon: After I got the flip-flops, I realized that the tops of my feet were exposed, so, um, I put on some sunscreen, which caused my feet to become slippery. And predictably, one of them fell off and went down a sewer grate. Now, normally, I would have walked away, but this is a new, laid-back me, so, instead of getting upset, I just reached down to grab it. That's when I touched something furry which I'm telling myself was a damp toupee.

Howard: Is she single?
Bernadette: I'm not setting her up with Raj.
Howard: What about Stuart?
Bernadette: Are you listening? I want her to think I'm not mean.
Howard: Okay. Well, it's just we have two single friends.
Bernadette: Howie, I just met this woman. Why don't I wait a little and get to know her? Maybe I won't like her, and then I'd be happy to ruin her life with Stuart or Raj.
Howard: That's all I ask.

Amy: So, you guys lived with Sheldon for a long time-
Leonard: Long time.
Penny: So very long.
Leonard: By the way, congratulations again on your engagement.
Penny: Yeah, you got a good one.

Stuart: And, you know, Raj, I think it's great that you no longer live off your parents like a spoiled child. You live over someone's garage like a failed adult.
Raj: Yeah, well, you live with her.
Bernadette: Oh, it's not like that. He rents a room from me and my husband. Who, by the way, is no prize, either.

Stuart: Ruchi said she wanted to hang out with both of us. Why don't we just do that?
Raj: Oh, fine. Let's hang out as friends and see what happens.
Leonard: Yeah, and if something grows out of it, just worry about it then.
Stuart: Also what my doctor said.

Raj: Look, Ruchi and I are really hitting it off. Please let me just have this one!
Stuart: I'm not going anywhere. I'm like a fungus you can't get rid of.
Ruchi: Sorry. So what's going on?
Raj: Oh, you just missed Stuart's funny story about the fungus he can't get rid of.

Amy: What happened to your other flip-flop?
Sheldon: Oh, well, that involves what I am telling myself was a melted candy bar.

Bernadette: Hey, just a reminder, I'm going out for drinks after work.
Howard: Oh. Great. Just a reminder, you're pregnant.
Bernadette: I'm not drinking, just taking a new coworker out.
Howard: Oh. Just a reminder, you're married.
Bernadette: Female coworker. She's new in town, and I want to make her feel welcome. And let her know the office is full of liars before everyone tells her I'm mean.

Amy: You know, ever since I was a young girl, I've dreamed of a June wedding, maybe on a cliff overlooking the ocean at sunset.
Sheldon: Sure. Sounds wonderful. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go clean up. (To himself) Outdoor wedding. I know what I'll be using that cliff for.

Sheldon: Good morning.
Amy: Good morning. I know today is Apple Jacks day, but we're all out.
Sheldon: That's fine. I'll have anything.
Amy: Really?
Sheldon: Yeah. You know whatev.
Amy: "Whatev"? I like this side of you.
Sheldon: You know what I like? Smooth jazz. (plays "Feels So Good")
-Amy wakes up in bed next to Sheldon, who is humming the same tune-

Penny: Well, maybe this is a part of Sheldon's personality he's been repressing. I mean, I think we dream about things we wish we could be in real life.
Amy: Really? What do you dream about?
Penny: Oh. Uh, being the wife of Leonard. Mostly that.
Leonard: I choose to believe you.

Ruchi: Well, moving to a new city was a little scary, but the job seems great. Everyone's really nice.
Bernadette: Oh, they are. Super nice. I mean, only one of them took you out tonight, but it's not a competition.

Raj: Bernie!
Bernadette: Oh, damn.
Stuart: Hey! What are the odds?
Bernadette: Yeah, seren-frickin'-dipity.

Sheldon: You know me, I just go with the flow. Beach, public pool, they both sound awesome. On second thought, beach. I'd like to befriend a seagull.

Leonard: If you want me to object at your wedding, just give me one of these. (taps on his nose)