Howard: Yeah, got to get her hooked on TV, or someday, she'll want me to play outside.

Howard: She would've been the best grandma.
Bernadette: She did always have candy in her pocket.
Howard: Yeah. I was 20 years old before I figured out Tootsie Rolls weren't naturally warm.

Howard: It's like we have a butler. If I had a Batsuit I'd be Bruce Wayne.
Bernadette: You have a Batsuit.
Howard: It's pajamas, there's no cape.

Howard: Look at you. Willy Wonka would roll you to the juicing room.

Bernadette: Uh, I left my phone downstairs!
Howard: Damn, so did I.
Bernadette: Wait, I have my iPad.
Howard: What are you going to do, e-mail 911?

Howard: Well, pulling a quarter out of your ear isn't the only magic these hands can do. In fact, what's this between your toes?
Bernadette: Can you please stop making money come out of me for two minutes?

Howard: I was counting on that money. I need to make as much as my wife so I don't have to try so hard in bed.

Howard: It was really nice of you to try to be happy for Leonard.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Howard: It must've killed you when I went to space.

Howard: I'm proud of you, Leonard. Working out on the North Sea for months, that's really something.
Leonard: I know. As far as science goes, this is the adventure of a lifetime.
Howard: Maybe your lifetime. I went to space.
Leonard: It's not a competition.
Howard: You're right, you're right. I'm really proud of you, and I'm gonna miss you when you're gone. And space beats water.

Leonard: Really, you guys do not need to throw me a going-away party.
Howard: Are you kidding me? How often can you say bon voyage to somebody when they're actually going on a voyage?

Bernadette: Is there anything else about your past I should know?
Howard: Couple things, but, you know, most of them happened overseas. I'll tell you later.

Howard: I need to talk to Bernadette.
Penny: Well, I don't think she wants to talk to anyone right now.
Howard: All right, well, could you at least give her a message?
Penny: Yeah, sure, I guess.
Howard: Tell her I'm really sorry, and if she doesn't want to marry me, I get it. But what I really want her to know is the guy that she's disgusted by, is the guy that I'm disgusted by, too. But that guy doesn't exist any more, he's gone, and the reason is because of her. So, if this relationship is over, let her know that she made me a better man, and tell her thank you.

Howard: Thank you for picking us up. There's a warning, right there, on the Scotch bottle. "You cannot be operatin heavy machinery after you had a snootful of this, laddie!"

Raj: The only threesome I've ever had in my life, and I'm proud to say it was with this man right here.
Howard: Oh, please shut up.

Raj: I've been doing some research on strippers. One agency I spoke to, said I could get us a great price if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs.
Howard: Sounds like loads of fun, but I promised Bernadette no strippers.
Raj: You don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers. The one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you.
Howard: What can I tell ya, I'm not into that stuff any more.