Leonard: That's two proposals, one day. Sounds like someone wants to spend the rest of their life telling people how to spell the name Hofstadter.

Penny: So we're about to film this scene in the movie where the killer ape DNA is slowly taking over my body.
Leonard: Okay.
Penny: But I realize they're gluing fur everywhere except my cleavage. So I ask the director and he says it's important to the story that my boobs be the last things to turn ape.
Leonard: It's sweet that he thinks there's a story.

Leonard: Great. What do you want to do?
Sheldon: I don't know. What do you want to do?
Penny: I don't know. What do you want to do?
Leonard: I'm starting to remember the problem with Anything Can Happen Thursdays.

Leonard: You know what, why don't we just ease into this? Let's go for a walk and see if we find a new restaurant.
Sheldon: Any chance this restaurant is near Griffith Park? *Brings out a Lord of the Rings - Gandalf hat*
Leonard: No.

Leonard: Well, Penny can be very persuasive. She's gotten me to do a lot of things I wouldn't normally do.
Amy: Because she has sex with you.
Leonard: Yeah, she does.

Leonard: It took him a long time to get comfortable around me, too.
Amy: Really? What did you do?
Leonard: Something terrible in a former life? I don't know.

Sheldon: Boy, do I have to urinate.
Leonard: If only there were a solution to that.

Leonard: Two women at the same time? Nice job, playa!
Penny: Really?
Leonard: Was it the two women thing or the "playa"? ... It was the playa.

Wil Wheaton: I tell you, this business is brutal. To this day I hate going on auditions. I walk in and I can just feel them thinking "He was such a cute kid. What happened to him"? Then I don't get the job and I can never find out why. Honestly, I get so depressed there are entire weeks where I can't even get out of bed.
Leonard: Okay, this was helpful!

Leonard: That was Wil. He's feeling a lot better. Apparently he's twelve down in the TV Guide crossword puzzle.

Amy: Should you really be sitting in Sheldon's spot?
Raj: He's in Texas, he'll never know.
Penny: Wouldn't be so sure about that.
Leonard: Yeah, he has a very sensitive butt. Look, it's true. Once I saw him sit on a bunch of loose change and add it up.

Penny: I called them. The part's gone. They gave it to someone else. Now some girl's going to get discovered and get famous, and go on Letterman and talk about how she got her big break on some cheap monkey movie all because some dumb girl though it was beneath her.
Leonard: At least they talk about you on Letterman.

Penny: Come on, let's just get this over with.
Leonard: "Let's just get this over with?" Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory or are we having sex?

Penny: It's just so humiliating.
Leonard: "So humiliating?" Am I driving you to the Cheesecake factory or - I'm sorry, I'll stop. I'll stop.

Penny: I don't know what to say.
Leonard: Don't say anything. ... I mean you could say thank you, I did just buy you a car.