Penny: So, did you tell him about Princeton yet?
Amy: No, I'm waiting till he's in a good mood.
Penny: Oh, sweetie, you might not live that long.

Penny: Anyway, who cares what I think?
Amy: I do. You're the-the coolest, prettiest, best-dressed person in my life.
Penny: Okay, that would be flattering, except I know all the people in your life.

Penny: That's a whole lot of weird before cofee.

Penny: Like, what'd you do last night?
Beverly Hofstadter: I had Cuban food at the home of a man with whom I shared unsatisfying intercourse.
Penny: Wow. Okay.
Beverly Hofstadter: And to anticipate your next questions, roasted pork and sideways missionary.
Penny: Sure. Sure. 'Cause you were full.

Penny: Hey. What are you guys doing?
Raj: Uh, we have a bunch of Bitcoin on an old laptop, and it could be worth, like, a lot of money.
Penny: What-- You're kidding.
Leonard: No. We-we could be sitting on a fortune.
Penny: Okay, let the record show, I did not marry you for money, but you just got way more attractive.

Penny: Okay, listen to me. Your relationship can handle being long distance for a while. It's not like you two are very physical.
Amy: Hey, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
Penny: A lot of lectures?
Amy: All right, so you know.

Penny: Well, weddings aren't about the location. They're about standing up in front of your family and friends and promising that Sheldon will never move back in here.

Leonard: Well, we've been married two years. Should we think about what's next? Like buying a house or having a baby?
Penny: Look, I want to do all those things someday, but there's a bunch of stuff I want to do first.
Leonard: Okay, like what?
Penny: I don't know, stay thin and have money.

Sheldon: Leonard, can you drive me to work?
Leonard: Yeah, sure. Oh, hey, the guys and I were talking about going to see the Tesla coil at the observatory later on, if you want to join.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm busy.
Leonard: Why? What are you doing?
Penny: Leonard, what are you doing? He said he can't go. Make a sad face, move on.

Penny: You know, that documentary last night was actually better than I thought it would be.
Leonard: Really? Should've been about Samuel Morse the way they telegraphed that ending.
Penny: I already pretended to laugh at that joke once. Do I have to do it again?
Leonard: Yeah, I'd appreciate it. (chuckles)
Penny: (forced laugh) Samuel Morse. You kill me.

Penny: All right, what about music?
Sheldon: I enjoy marching bands and Tibetan throat singing.
Penny: No music it is.

Barry Kripke: Hello, I hope I'm not too early.
Bernadette: No, no, no. Come on in.
Barry Kripke: And how is the radiant mommy-to-be?
Bernadette: Doing great.
Stuart: You're pregnant?
Bernadette: Yeah.
Stuart: Sounds like something a member of the group might know.
Penny: Yeah, birthday party first. Pity party later.

Raj: You can't let this stop you. Almost any scientific advancement can be used for destructive purposes.
Amy: It's true. Even Einstein's theory of relativity was later applied to the development of nuclear weapons.
Penny: E equals MC squared. Yeah. E is for energy, M for mass, and C for the speed of light.
Amy: How do you know that?
Penny: Oh, Leonard mumbles it when he wants sex to last longer.

Penny: Auntie Penny's here. Shh. Let's get you changed. Your mommy and daddy say they trust me, but they're full of the same stuff your diaper is.

Raj: So Ruchi and I decided to keep things casual.
Penny: (scoffs)
Raj: What? What? I can handle casual.
Penny: (scoffs)
Raj: Oh, why do you keep doing that with your face?
Penny: Because you keep saying stupid things with yours.