Bernadette: I've actually been thinking I'm going to hyphenate, Bernadette Mary-Ann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.
Penny: Nice. You know, you should totally get BernadetteMaryAnnRostenkowskiWolowitz.com before someone snaps it up.
Bernadette: Howard already took care of it.

Bernadette: Can I stay here tonight?
Penny: Yeah. Why, what happened?
Bernadette: Howard's a complete and total ass.
Penny: Oh, yeah, that. Come on in.

Penny: Boy, this is great. I haven't had a vacation in ages.
Sheldon: In order to take a vacation, one first has to work.
Penny: You know, for a smart guy, you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept, don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat.
Amy: That does seem to be a valid principle.

Penny: Okay. So, the usual, with extra spit on Sheldon's hamburger.

Amy: Shame. Since you're my best friend, I thought it would be a good bonding opportunity.
Penny: I'm your best friend?
Amy: Don't you read my blog?
Penny: Oh, don't feel bad. I never read Leonard's, and I used to sleep with him.

Penny: I love him. This is just happening too fast.
Sheldon: You think this is fast? It's just a matter of time before I see Amy's leg stubble in my shower.
Penny: Yeah, and I've seen those legs. You might want to get some Drano.

Leonard: I swear, that man is the most egotistical, insufferable human being I have ever met.
Penny: Yeah, but you two make such a cute couple. Like Bert and Ernie. You guys even teach me stuff about words and numbers.

Penny: My point is, as much as I want to live with you, I can't do it knowing how much Sheldon needs you.
Leonard: Please, the only thing he needs me for is to be his whipping boy, his, his stooge, his doormat.
Penny: Well, you know what they say, if it ain't broke...

Leonard: Oh, could you clear off a shelf for me in the bathroom? I take a lot of medicine.
Penny: Oh, please let some of it be Xanax.

Penny: You know what? Give me the dice, I want to roll.
Howard: The dungeon master's supposed to roll.
Penny: Yeah, well Im supposed to be in Vegas throwing up on a shrimp buffet. Now give it.

Penny: Fifteen's the point, the point is fifteen. Give the little lady some room. Here it is, coming out. Sixteen! Yes! Oh, please tell me we're playing for money.
Sheldon: Oh, even better than money. You gained experience points.
Penny: More potion, please.

Leonard: All right, Amy, there's one ogre left. Take him out.
Amy: Okay.
Penny: Pretend he's that TSA agent. Come on.
Amy: Nineteen. Yes, this is turning out to be even better than Vegas.
Penny: No, it's not.

Penny: Okay, who wants a drink?
Sheldon: Now, Penny, we don't consume alcohol during Dungeons & Dragons. It impairs our judgment.
Penny: Oh, this isn't alcohol. It's a magic potion that makes me like you.
Leonard: Double potion, please.

Leonard: So, do they have a name for a first date with someone you used to go out with?
Penny: Oh, that's a good question. How about awkward?
Leonard: Yeah, that sounds right.

Penny: Okay, uh, let's see. I'm from Nebraska, and ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of moving to L.A. and becoming a movie star. Anyway, after four years of acting lessons and waiting tables, I've done a hemorrhoid commercial and a production of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. So, you know, dreams do come true.