Amy: Okay, you ready?
Sheldon: Yeah, almost. I'm working on my facial expressions. See, uh, I've got interested. Hmm.
I've got very interested. Hmm.
Oh, and, uh, enraged.
Amy: Why would you be enraged?
Sheldon: Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

Howard: You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.
Sheldon: Which one picks last?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Well, usually I'm on the team that picks last. Unless there's a kid in the wheelchair.

Wil Wheaton: Hello, Sheldon. I suppose you've come here to tell me that you've moved me to your super secret enemies list.
Sheldon: I don't have a super secret enemies list. I'm not a Bond villain. I'm just a regular guy, with a regular enemies list.

Leonard: You guys, what are we doing? We sent the girls away so we could focus.
Sheldon: I don't think it worked.

Sheldon: Amy's upset? Is it about me?
Leonard: No, I think it's because we're eloping.
Sheldon: Your marriage is causing her pain? You know great, I take it back. Go ahead and do it. Yay for love!

Sheldon: What is it?
Amy: Well, your birthday's coming up and you've never let us celebrate it. And I was hoping maybe this year we could.
Sheldon: Oh, I suppose that's a discussion we could have. (Sheldon runs back up the stairs)
Amy: Okay, great, I mean, it doesn't have to be a big party or anything. I was just - Where'd he go?

Howard: All I know is he's got my mother buying four ply toilet paper. Four ply! If his butt is so delicate, why doesn't he use an Angora rabbit?
Sheldon: For starters, they shed and bite.

Amy: What's with the blinking?
Sheldon: It's Morse code. So we can talk about without hurting --'s feelings.
Amy: Sheldon, I don't know Morse code.
Howard: I do. And if you have something to say, you can say it to my face.

Sheldon: "Sheldon's Mine Simulation Log, entry 4: My KitKat has melted. All is lost."

Sheldon: Very well. You may celebrate my life by throwing a party with cake, presents and a shower of admiration and love. But then you owe me big-time.

Amy: I thought we agreed on June 15.
Sheldon: That's the day after Flag Day. Everyone'll be partied out.

Penny: I thought they fired you guys.
Sheldon: They did, but then they hired me back.
Leonard: Well, you better not be working on our project, because we're a team.
Sheldon: Leonard, there is no "I" in team. However, there is an "I" in "I'm working with the military and you're not." There's five of them, in fact.

Sheldon: Stephen Hawking is a genius. If he said 'no,' I wasn't going to waste time on her father.

Sheldon: I always looked up to you and Pop-Pop. I know what a challenging man he could be, but I saw you stand by him and make him into a better person.
Meemaw: I did.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, that is exactly what I've been doing the last five years with this little work in progress.
Leonard: He never disappoints, does he?

Sheldon: I don't know about you but I'm very uncomfortable about this.
Amy: Why?
Sheldon: I've never seen this show before, and now I'm starting with episode 246. It's unnatural.
Amy: Just think of the first 245 as the prequel.
Sheldon: All right.