Howard: Sheldon, instead of focusing on Amy dating other guys, maybe you should start thinking about dating another girl.
Sheldon: That's ridiculous.
Raj: Why? You never thought you'd end up in a relationship, and then you met Amy. Maybe there's someone else out there for you.
Sheldon: True, but Penny's married, and so is Bernadette. And your girlfriend has red hair and white skin, which really rubs up against my clown phobia.

Leonard: Maybe you should consider women who aren't in serious relationships with your closest friends?
Sheldon: There's that prostate doctor, but I'm still mad at her.

Barry Kripke: What's going on with Amy?
Sheldon: Not that it's any of your business, but she broke up with me.
Barry Kripke: Really? Good to know.
Sheldon: "Good to know"? What's that supposed to mean?
Leonard: Oh, I hate to say it, but it sounds like he's interested in her.
Sheldon: Well, that's unacceptable.
Leonard: Oh, buddy, I get that you don't like it. But it's not really up to you.
Sheldon: Yeah, but he's dumb, and his face is dumb.

Leonard: Look, even if it's not him, Amy's probably going to date someone at some point.
Sheldon: You really think so?
Leonard: Of course. She deserves to be happy.
Sheldon: How dare you!

Leonard: Listen, I should warn you that maybe asking Amy out isn't a good idea.
Sheldon: Barry, a word?
Leonard: And now the crazy version of what I just said.
Sheldon: If you intend to pursue Amy, you leave me with no choice but to put a stop to it.
Barry Kripke: And how are you gonna do that?
Sheldon: By challenging you to a duel.
Barry Kripke: You've had one lesson. I'll destroy you.
Sheldon: That is why the duel will take place at high noon, three years from today. If you're worth your salt as an instructor, I should be ready by then.
Yeah, and be warned. I'm going to touch you all over.
Leonard: Wow, that was crazier than I thought.

Sheldon: En garde, Leonard. Prepare yourself for a rigorous touching.

Sheldon: I'm looking forward to him teaching us glove-slapping.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You know, when my honor is insulted, and I need to challenge someone to a duel by slapping them across the face with my glove.
Leonard: When was your honor insulted?
Sheldon: My last physical.
Leonard: Again, that doctor didn't insult your honor. Just checked your prostate.

Sheldon: Excuse me, Barry?
Barry Kripke: Yes?
Sheldon: When can I stab one of my friends?
Barry Kripke: In fencing, we don't call it a stab. We call it a touch.
Sheldon: Uh, yes, I'm aware. But if I say I want to touch one of my friends, I'll get called into Human Resources.

Leonard: Look at all these activities the university has. Rock climbing club, archery, flag football.
Sheldon: Had me at flag, lost me at football.

Sheldon: And as an added bonus, the word touche comes from fencing. It would be our only opportunity to use it in a non-metaphorical sense.
Leonard: What about a game of tag on a French school yard?
Sheldon: Ah, touche.

Sheldon: According to a recent study, simply thinking about exercise, even while sitting still, can have physical benefits. For all you know, I could be exercising right now.
Raj: Are you?
Sheldon: Na, I'll do it tomorrow.

Leonard: What about what you said in the restaurant?
Penny: Well, it's not forever. It's just for a while. If you want, we can think of him like he's our dog.
Sheldon: You can. I'm happy when you come home. And I'm scared of fireworks.
And by the way, on July 4th, we're all sleeping here.
Leonard: Fine.

Sheldon: Just give me one minute, and I'll get started on a new Roommate Agreement.
Yeah, nothing from Pratt. We're good.

Leonard: Buddy, I know me moving in with Penny feels like a big change, but it's not.
Sheldon: How can you say that? Amy's gone, and you two are married now, so it's only a matter of time before you're gone, too.
Penny: Okay, you don't know what's gonna happen.
Sheldon: No, I do. Eventually you'll want more space and you'll move into a house. And then instead of dinner a couple of times a week, it'll only be a couple of times a month. And then it'll only be on special occasions, like when Bernadette divorces Wolowitz.
Or-or-or like when Koothrappali's weird girlfriend admits where she buried his body.
Or Amy's wedding, where she's marrying someone better than me.

Leonard: Where is everything?
Sheldon: In my present, it's in the future. In your present, it's been crammed in the bedroom by an enterprising young man I met in The Home Depot parking lot.