Quotes from ‘The Perspiration Implementation’

The Perspiration Implementation

'The Perspiration Implementation' - Season 9, Episode 5

When the guys sign up for Barry Kripke's fencing class, Sheldon finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Barry expresses an interest in the now-single Amy. Meanwhile, the girls try to help Stuart attract more female customers to the Comic Book Store.

Air Date: October 19, 2015.

Quote from Penny

Bernadette: Stuart took that rejection like a pro.
Penny: Well, he knew he was on the breast cam.
Amy: I don't have much practice turning men down. It wasn't so much fun.
Bernadette: Oh, you get used to it. Some guys you have to turn down over and over.
Penny: And sometimes we marry them anyway.

Quote from Howard

Howard: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Excuse me, Barry?
Barry Kripke: Yes?
Sheldon: When can I stab one of my friends?
Barry Kripke: In fencing, we don't call it a stab. We call it a touch.
Sheldon: Uh, yes, I'm aware. But if I say I want to touch one of my friends, I'll get called into Human Resources.

Quote from Howard

Raj: My name is Little Orphan Annie. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Howard: My name is Darth Vader. I am your father.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: According to a recent study, simply thinking about exercise, even while sitting still, can have physical benefits. For all you know, I could be exercising right now.
Raj: Are you?
Sheldon: Na, I'll do it tomorrow.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Sheldon, instead of focusing on Amy dating other guys, maybe you should start thinking about dating another girl.
Sheldon: That's ridiculous.
Raj: Why? You never thought you'd end up in a relationship, and then you met Amy. Maybe there's someone else out there for you.
Sheldon: True, but Penny's married, and so is Bernadette. And your girlfriend has red hair and white skin, which really rubs up against my clown phobia.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Barry Kripke was there. I should let you know that he expressed interest in asking you out.
Amy: Well, actually, he already did.
Sheldon: Okay. But don't get too attached to him. In two years, 364 days, he's a dead man.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Look, even if it's not him, Amy's probably going to date someone at some point.
Sheldon: You really think so?
Leonard: Of course. She deserves to be happy.
Sheldon: How dare you!

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Hey, ready for lunch?
Howard: Oh, one sec.
Sheldon: Is that the prototype drive system for the high-G rover?
Howard: No, Bernadette got me a Fitbit so she can track how much I'm exercising.
Leonard: That'll teach her to care about your health.
Howard: Yeah, I can't wait to see the look on her face when I die young.

Quote from Howard

Raj: When was the last actual exercise you got?
Howard: The other day when she tried to put that Fitbit on me and I ran away from her.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: I think it's great you guys want to get more exercise, but do you really think sports is the right choice for you?
Leonard: What are you saying? We're not coordinated enough to play sports?
Penny: Okay, Leonard, sweetheart, you twisted your ankle playing Scrabble.
Leonard: I got a triple-word score with a double letter Q. If that's not a time to bust out the Scrabble dance, what's the point of having one?

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Barry Kripke started a fencing club.
Sheldon: Interesting. Sword fighting does hold a certain elegant appeal. And I would imagine it meets many of our personal criteria for a sport.
Leonard: It's indoors, so no sunscreen.
Sheldon: No throwing, no catching, no running.
Leonard: No gym shorts that can be yanked down.
Sheldon: Or worse, up.
Leonard: Preach.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And as an added bonus, the word touche comes from fencing. It would be our only opportunity to use it in a non-metaphorical sense.
Leonard: What about a game of tag on a French school yard?
Sheldon: Ah, touche.

Quote from Raj

Barry Kripke: Gentlemen, welcome to the fencing club. Before we start, I just want to warn you, fencing isn't a joke. I hope you're not here because you think it's going to be like Star Wars.
Leonard: That's not why we're here.
Raj: Yeah, I'm here because I think it's gonna be like Game of Thrones.
Howard: And maybe a little Princess Bride.
Raj: Ooh, ooh! I forgot about Princess Bride! That's my answer!

Quote from Stuart

Penny: Uh, have you read the online reviews for this place?
Stuart: Eh, the Internet's so negative. I try to avoid it.
Penny: All right. Well, Heather H. says, "The owner stared at me the whole time and didn't blink once."
Kelly M. says, "The creepy guy who runs it asked me out, then called himself stupid before I could say no."
Jessica K. says, "I told the weird owner that I liked his shirt. He took it off and gave it to me."
Stuart: See? Negative.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: En garde, Leonard. Prepare yourself for a rigorous touching.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I'm surprised you wanted to go to a sports bar, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Look at this blister. Like it or not, we're athletes now.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Excuse me. I'm recovering from a recent breakup, and I'm told asking out another woman might make me feel better.
And as Ash Ketchum said to Pikachu, "I choose you."
Woman: What?
Sheldon: It's a Pokemon reference.
Woman: I don't know what that means.
Sheldon: Well, we gave it a shot.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Well, what are you gonna do?
Amy: I don't know. I guess I assumed that I would eventually date other people, but this is happening so fast.
Bernadette: What can it hurt?
Amy: Well, I was hoping the next person I dated would be a little less like Sheldon.
Bernadette: You mean, not a scientist?
Penny: I think she means not a weirdo.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I tried fencing today.
Amy: How'd that go?
Sheldon: It was pretty easy. And I think my background in "mathletics" helped.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Howie?
Howard: What's up?
Bernadette: Why does your Fitbit say you ran 174 miles yesterday?

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Okay. Anyway, um, it's nice to see you. You look good.
Sheldon: Thanks. And I taste good too.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Listen, I should warn you that maybe asking Amy out isn't a good idea.
Sheldon: Barry, a word?
Leonard: And now the crazy version of what I just said.
Sheldon: If you intend to pursue Amy, you leave me with no choice but to put a stop to it.
Barry Kripke: And how are you gonna do that?
Sheldon: By challenging you to a duel.
Barry Kripke: You've had one lesson. I'll destroy you.
Sheldon: That is why the duel will take place at high noon, three years from today. If you're worth your salt as an instructor, I should be ready by then.
Yeah, and be warned. I'm going to touch you all over.
Leonard: Wow, that was crazier than I thought.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: Oh, there's a woman. I'll make her my girlfriend.
Raj: Whoa, whoa. Walking up to a strange woman in a bar usually doesn't work.
Sheldon: You're forgetting something. Ladies love jocks.
Raj: How many sips of that beer did he have?
Leonard: Three.
Howard: Oh, boy.

Quote from Raj

Raj: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Howard: I thought you were Puss in Boots.
Raj: Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.
My name is Puss in Boots. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Look at all these activities the university has. Rock climbing club, archery, flag football.
Sheldon: Had me at flag, lost me at football.

Quote from Howard

Barry Kripke: Well, sorry to disappoint you, but fencing is a serious sport. If you're not willing to put in the effort, you might as well just leave now.
Sheldon: We're not afraid of physical activity.
Howard: Yeah, I already ran 18 miles today.

Quote from Stuart

Penny: Okay, don't be offended, but what went wrong with you?
Stuart: I guess I assumed at this point in my life, I would be married or in a relationship, or even have a pet that didn't run away or kill itself.
Bernadette: That really happened?
Stuart: I mean, I can't say for sure, but I swear that rabbit looked me right in the eye before it hopped in front of that car.

Quote from Penny

Amy: Well, this is weird.
Penny: What?
Amy: Barry Kripke just asked me out.
Bernadette: Oh, look at you. Two guys in one day!
Penny: I told you things would change if you plucked your eyebrows!

Quote from Howard

Raj: I feel cool. Like Puss in Boots.
Leonard: I always wanted to be a swashbuckler when I was a kid.
Sheldon: Technically, swashbuckler is a combination of two terms. Swash referring to the sound of the sword. Swash. And then buckler, meaning a small shield, which you don't have.
Raj: We can still be swashers.
Howard: Hmm, well said, Puss.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm looking forward to him teaching us glove-slapping.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You know, when my honor is insulted, and I need to challenge someone to a duel by slapping them across the face with my glove.
Leonard: When was your honor insulted?
Sheldon: My last physical.
Leonard: Again, that doctor didn't insult your honor. Just checked your prostate.

Quote from Stuart

Amy: Stuart, believe it or not, I understand. You know, before I met Sheldon, I was alone for a really long time. I was so desperate for people to like me, when I met these guys, it took everything in my power to hide my insecurity.
Stuart: Okay, we're all feeling it. Yes, I'll go out with you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I smell funny. I taste salty.
Leonard: You're just sweaty from exercise.
Sheldon: And kind of delicious. I wonder how many licks it would take to get to the center of me.
Leonard: I know it only takes one doctor's finger.

Quote from Amy

Stuart: All right, I'm not saying it's true, but let's consider for a moment that possibly I'm the problem.
Penny: Yeah.
Bernadette: You are.
Amy: You can say it.

Barry Kripke: Let's begin with some fundamentals. This is the en garde position. Feet are in an L. Heels in a straight line. Elbow is about a fist from the rib cage. Notice my dominant leg faces forward.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Barry Kripke: What's wrong, Cooper?
Sheldon: Well, I'm not sure I have a dominant leg. They're both pretty submissive.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Look at us! We're like the Rockettes!

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Maybe you should consider women who aren't in serious relationships with your closest friends?
Sheldon: There's that prostate doctor, but I'm still mad at her.

Quote from Amy

Bernadette: Are you attracted to him?
Amy: I don't know.
Penny: All right, well, what happens if you imagine him naked?
Amy: Oh, I don't have to imagine it. (holds up her phone)

Quote from Stuart

Bernadette: So how can we help?
Stuart: Well, I know more women are buying comics than ever, but for some reason, I can't get 'em in here.
Penny: All right. Well, what have you tried so far?
Stuart: Uh, I've been stocking more female-oriented titles. In the bathroom, I folded the end of the toilet paper into a triangle. And, uh, you are now sitting in the official breastfeeding area.

Quote from Howard

Howard: When you're in a public restroom, which foot do you flush the toilet with?
Sheldon: Right. Always right.
Howard: He's a righty.

Quote from Stuart

Amy: Have you thought about advertising directly to females?
Stuart: Hmm, okay. Well, all right. What if I put up a sign in the window that said, "Women, come in. Don't be afraid."?

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: I mean, what can I do? I get so nervous around women.
Penny: Well, you're talking to us now. I mean, you don't seem nervous.
Stuart: Well, that's 'cause I'm doing that trick where you imagine the audience is naked. By the way, thumbs up, ladies.
Amy: Do you not hear how creepy that sounds?
Stuart: It was a joke.
Bernadette: Was it?
Stuart: No, I'm still doing it.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Besides, a bar is where I belong. I'm having female problems.
Leonard: If you're cranky and retaining water, I have a theory.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: How about you?
Older Woman: I'm married, and I'm her grandmother.
Sheldon: Ah, what might have been.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And you, give my regards to Barnum and Bailey.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I said no.
Sheldon: Interesting. I asked two women out today, and they both said no.
Amy: I didn't know you were interested in dating.
Sheldon: I've been told it's a good way to move on.

Quote from Sheldon

Barry Kripke: What's going on with Amy?
Sheldon: Not that it's any of your business, but she broke up with me.
Barry Kripke: Really? Good to know.
Sheldon: "Good to know"? What's that supposed to mean?
Leonard: Oh, I hate to say it, but it sounds like he's interested in her.
Sheldon: Well, that's unacceptable.
Leonard: Oh, buddy, I get that you don't like it. But it's not really up to you.
Sheldon: Yeah, but he's dumb, and his face is dumb.

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