Penny: Something happen at the meeting?
Sheldon: They made me promise I wouldn't talk.
Penny: And you talked?
Sheldon: Well, now, see? You knew what was gonna happen. Why didn't they?

Penny: Well, if it makes you feel any better, Bernadette's mad at me, too.
Sheldon: Mmm. If it makes you feel any better, a parasitoid wasp known as Oobius depressus has been rediscovered after 101 years of presumed extinction.
Penny: Why would that make me feel better?
Sheldon: Why would your Bernadette thing make me feel better? At least mine was educational.

Howard: Hey, hey, hey, you're not going anywhere.
Leonard: We only have two months to deliver this to the Air Force because of you.
Sheldon: (yawning) I know, I was there.
Howard: Well, wake up! We're gonna put in a lot of late nights.
Sheldon: How late?
Howard: Well, I don't know, midnight, one.
Sheldon: One o'clock? I'm not a raccoon.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, I am ready to work. To quote The Martian, "Let's science the feces out of this!" That's "The Martian" the book and "The Martian" the movie, not Marvin the Martian. Although to quote Marvin the Martian, "I claim this planet in the name of Mars."

Howard: Why don't you just go home?
Sheldon: No, I can do this. I just, I just need another energy drink.
Oh, no.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I want another one.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: That's a craving. That's a sign of chemical dependency.

Sheldon: All right, I'll just toss this out to the room. Um, I was thinking that the best way to fight my addiction is by weaning myself off in steps.
Now, I couldn't find a caffeine patch, but I did find what claims to be a mind-boosting caffeine suppository. Yeah, you know, there's an interesting fact about the rectum--
Leonard: Sheldon!

Leonard: Sheldon! We are dealing with an impossible deadline from the Air Force because of you. So have an energy drink, don't have an energy drink. Order suppositories and shove 'em wherever you want, I don't care!
Sheldon: You don't shove them. They come with an easy-glide applicator.

Leonard: Um, I don't really know how to say this.
Colonel Williams: Well, you could try starting with "sir".
Leonard: Right. Sorry, sir.
Sheldon: He said start with it, not end with it.

Leonard: All right, pressure's off.
Howard: Wanna see a movie?
Sheldon: Popcorn's on me.

Amy: So, is that a yes?
Sheldon: Not yet. How will I learn if I'm comfortable living with Amy or just comfortable because I'm in my own apartment? Now, if this experiment is going to be valid, I suggest a neutral environment.
Penny: Where would you go?
Sheldon: Well, ideally, an enclosed, self-sustaining biodome in New Mexico. Where we would eat crops fertilized with our own waste.

Penny: You know, I'm very proud of you for trying to live with Amy.
Sheldon: Oh, thank you. Of course, the ideal way to conduct this experiment would be with four pairs of identical Sheldons and Amys. One pair that was neither dating nor living together. One pair that was dating but not living together. One pair that was living together but not dating. And then, of course, one pair that was living together and dating. Although, with that many Sheldons, it'd be such a party, we'd never get anything done.
Penny: That was a cute story.

Penny: So, uh, what did you want to ask me?
Sheldon: Well, you've lived with your significant other for some time. I would like this experiment to go well. Are there any insights you can share?
Penny: Mm. Well, the biggie is, if she has an insane roommate, kick him out as soon as possible.
Sheldon: You know, Leonard and I were very happy before you came along.

Sheldon: Enjoy having the place to yourselves.
Leonard: You enjoy your mission to boldly go where no man has gone before.
Sheldon: It's Penny's bedroom. Plenty of men have gone before.

Amy: Sheldon? I know we took coitus off the table, but I was wondering how you feel about other forms of intimacy, such as snuggling.
Sheldon: Well, it's funny you should ask, because I was wondering how you'd feel about separating the two of us with a pillow wall.

Sheldon: Well, as a male, I have an evolutionary drive to perpetuate my DNA. Restricting myself to a single partner is against my nature.
Amy: We sleep together once a year! You want other partners?
Sheldon: Don't blame me. Blame your pal, biology. He's the pervert pulling the strings here.