Quotes from ‘The Valentino Submergence’

The Valentino Submergence

'The Valentino Submergence' - Season 9, Episode 15

Sheldon and Amy host a live Valentine's Day episode of Fun with Flags, Leonard and Penny grapple with getting older, Howard and Bernadette find a surprise in their hot tub and Raj is torn between Emily and the cute girl he met at the Comic Bookstore.

Air Date: February 11, 2016.

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: Oh, and speaking of Valentine's Day, I haven't forgotten about you tonight.
Amy: What do you mean?
Sheldon: Well, you've become such an integral part of my life as well as this show, I felt it only right to include your name in the title.
Amy: Oh, that is so sweet.
Sheldon: So from now on, this program will be officially known as Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler present Dr. Sheldon Cooper's Fun With Flags.
Amy: Catchy.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Since we're live, you'll finally be able to reach out to us with your flag thoughts and flag questions.
Sheldon: Allow us to answer a few quick ones that we get all the time. Uh, yes, I really am a doctor. Uh, yes, she really is my girlfriend.
Amy: No, I just blink a lot, it's not Morse code for "rescue me."

Quote from Barry Kripke

Amy: Hi. You're on Fun with Flags.
Barry Kripke: Hello. I want to talk about how lonely I am, too.
Raj: Kripke? Is that you?
Barry Kripke: Yeah, I'm just sitting here all by myself wondering if I'll ever find someone to share my life with. Preferably Asian, 18-24, no fatties.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Oh, looks like we just lost Kripke.
Barry Kripke: Actually, I'm still here.
Amy: Now?
Barry Kripke: Yup.
Amy: Now?
Barry Kripke: Yup!
Amy: Now? ... Oh, looks like we just lost Kripke.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: If any of you are looking for something to do on Valentine's Day, Amy and I'll be streaming our first-ever live episode of Fun With Flags. You're welcome to join us as we celebrate the timeless love affair between wind and flapping fabric.
Leonard: Penny and I have dinner reservations that night, but any other time, no.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: You've been talking about breaking up with Emily forever. Why don't you just do it already?
Leonard: Yeah, just get it over with.
Raj: Well, you say it like it's easy. Have any one of you ever broken up with anyone?
Howard: No.
Leonard: Not really.
Sheldon: You know, uh, once I ordered an Uber by accident. I just got in and went somewhere.

Quote from Penny

Penny: All right, my advice to you is do it at her place so you can leave when you need to. Uh, tell the truth, make it quick and be prepared for tears.
Raj: Oh, I'm gonna do a pre-cry before I go in there. Really dry myself out.
Leonard: She meant Emily.
Penny: No, I - I really didn't.

Quote from Howard

Howard: I'm gonna check the temp on the tub.
Bernadette: Don't make it too hot.
Howard: Sorry, but "too hot" is the only temperature I come in.
Bernadette: Look at that. You shaved it all.
Howard: You're welcome.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: It's not moving, but I think it's still alive.
Howard: Well, should we put it back in there a few minutes?

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Rajesh, it's perfectly normal to have doubts after breaking up with someone.
Raj: Well, you really think so?
Sheldon: Yeah, you know what's not normal? Blubbering about emotions during a flag show. Unless that emotion is excitement over New Zealand changing their flag. Yeah, good luck, you crazy Kiwis, we're rooting for you.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Should we name him?
Bernadette: It is Valentine's Day. How about Valentino?
Howard: Nice. A classic rabbit name. Peter Rabbit, Roger Rabbit. Valentino Wolowitz Rabbit.
Oh, look at all that chest hair and overbite. Of course you're a Wolowitz.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Son of a bitch! He bit me!
Bernadette: Are you okay?
Howard: No, I'm not okay! Wild rabbits can have rabies!
Bernadette: Oh. Well, why did you put your finger near its mouth?
Howard: Poor judgment, obviously.
Bernadette: He's so little. I'm sure it's fine.
Howard: How can it be fine? I just got attacked by a clearly anti-Semitic wild animal.

Quote from Barry Kripke

Raj: But, Amy, when you and Sheldon split up, didn't you start dating someone right away? Amy: Well, I ... I wouldn't say right away.
Sheldon: And actually, it was three different men.
Barry Kripke: Three different men?! Damn, girl, way to give the milk away!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, you know, here is something that might cheer you up. The flag of the Isle of Man is nothing but three legs sharing a weird pair of underpants, so ... you think you got problems.

Quote from Howard

Howard: He's not showing any symptoms. I guess I'll just go to the emergency room to be safe.
Bernadette: Howie, this is just your hypochondria.
Howard: No, when I sat on the mute button and thought I'd gone deaf, that was my hypochondria.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: All right. Nothing about this is fun. No one wants to talk about flags, and I haven't spoken in over ten minutes, so, enjoy your new show, Internet. "Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler Present ... With".

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Raj, now, I'm sorry you're suffering. When Amy and I were broken up, I also suffered. And this may sound surprising, but I'm grateful for having gone through it.
Amy: Really?
Sheldon: Yes. I believe our relationship now is stronger than ever.
Amy: So do I.
Sheldon: When we were apart, I learned how important you are to me. And I realize that when two people are in love, sometimes they-

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Did you know the singular of confetti is "confetto"?
Amy: Interesting, and when would you use the singular?
Sheldon: I'm glad you asked. Amy, you have a confetto in your nose. No, no, no, no. Other side. There you go.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Consider tonight's episode a Valentine's Day gift for you, our viewers.
Sheldon: It's also my gift to you. That was clear, right? 'Cause you're not getting anything else.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Look, I know you both feel bad about being alone, but sometimes the best thing you can do is take a little time for yourself, especially when you just got out of a relationship.
Sheldon: Speaking of ending relationships, when British Honduras became Belize, they designed a new flag with a tree on it, and I would like to hang myself from that tree.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I have an idea. Maybe someone in our audience would be interested in meeting Rajesh. Ladies, I can attest that he is a kind, handsome, intelligent -
Raj: Rich parents! Don't forget, rich parents!
Amy: -spoiled astrophysicist who not only...

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: If you're really worried, we'll take him to the vet and have him tested. Good.
Howard: Thank you. Oh, okay, there is a test! All they have to do is ... cut off his head and check his brain.
Bernadette: Oh, cut off his head? That's where his little nose is.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: Raj?
Raj: Spending Valentine's Day with Emily.
Leonard: You don't sound very excited about it.
Raj: Oh, I am, I am. I g... I guess I'm still wondering if Emily and I are right for each other.
Howard: Does this have to do with that girl you had coffee with?
Raj: You mean the strong, sexy angel I can't stop thinking about? Who can say?

Quote from Leonard

Penny: So, you really gonna break up with her?
Raj: Yeah, I think so. Do you have any advice?
Penny: Well, I have broken up with my fair share of guys. I mean, how many times did I break up with Leonard?
Leonard: I stopped counting at four.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Okay, and we are live in 22 minutes.
Sheldon: I'm nervous. I hope people will be around to watch even though it's Valentine's Day.
Amy: People who are fans of an Internet show about flags? Trust me, they're around.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Uh, bad news. The matre D' said it's gonna be at least an hour.
Penny: An hour? What? That's crazy. We have a reservation.
Leonard: I know.
Penny: So what did you say?
Leonard: "Thanks, sorry to bother you." But I said it like a badass.
Penny: All right, well, can't you, like, slip him some money or something?
Leonard: Really? I've never done that before. Does it work?
Penny: Do people like money - is that what you're asking?
Leonard: A lot of attitude from the woman who thought MC squared was a rapper.
Penny: Now, is that a smart thing to say on a holiday that's basically national sex night?
Leonard: I'm sorry. You're pretty, I'm stupid.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Please, all comments and questions should be flag-related.
Barry Kripke: All right. Is my pole flag-related?
Sheldon: I don't see why not.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Sorry, Bernie and I are breaking in the new hot tub, if you know what I mean.
Sheldon: Not a clue.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: No, Sheldon's right. Emily did say I always talk about my feelings too much.
Sheldon: I suppose that could be a legitimate concern in a relationship. Uh, perhaps even a red flag. And speaking of red flags, check out this sexy number from the former Soviet Union. Hubba, hubba.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: I was just hungry and cranky, and I've never been called "ma'am" before.
Leonard: Is that a big deal?
Penny: Kind of. When was the first time someone called you "sir"?
Leonard: Sixth grade, but I wore a sport coat and carried a briefcase, so...

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Can you believe when I met you I was 22? I mean, it's crazy! Where did all that time go?
Leonard: Mmm, you watched The Bachelor a lot.
Penny: Yeah, go ahead and make jokes, but your thirties are almost over.
Leonard: No, they're not.
Penny: You're closer to 40 than you are 30.
Leonard: Ha, ha! You married an old man.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Let's see. What's young and fun? Uh, we could go dancing.
Penny: Are you actually gonna dance? Of course.
Penny: Yeah, no one wants to see that. Hey, how about skinny dipping at the beach?
Leonard: No, I don't need any fish nibbling my business.
Penny: Oh, there's a screening of Moulin Rouge! I heard the crowd sings along and stuff.
Leonard: That sounds fun. When's it start?
Penny: Midnight.
Leonard: Midnight, really? You know what? Let's do it.
Penny: Okay, great! Oh, wait. Uh, it's sold out.
Leonard: Oh, thank God.
Penny: Yes!

Quote from Leonard

Penny: This is ridiculous. You know, I'm gonna go talk to the matre d'.
Leonard: What are you gonna say?
Penny: I don't know. I'm ... I'm gonna flirt with him.
Leonard: I don't know if I'm comfortable with that.
Penny: I'm still sleeping with you tonight.
Leonard: See if you can get a table by the window.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Um, "taking care of an injured rabbit." Okay, make sure it's comfortable and warm. Well, it was just in a hot tub. I'm gonna say check.

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