Penny: At one point, they had me figure out how to get a banana out of a puzzle box.
Leonard: Wait, Sheldon gave me a banana in a box. He was testing me, too.
Penny: Unbelievable.
Leonard: And how could a chimp even solve that? That was impossible.
Penny: Really? You couldn't get it out?

Leonard: If I take it off, Sheldon wins.
Penny: Sweetie, every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins.

Sheldon: Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
Penny: Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

Penny: Thank you, I needed to hear that. Why can't Leonard understand it?
Sheldon: Because he's not like us, Penny. We're dreamers!
Penny: Yeah, I need to start cracking the window when I leave you in the car.

Penny: Sheldon, what did we say about being a nicer friend?
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: Leonard, what did we say about being a gullible weeny?

Penny: So you have a song stuck in your head. It happens to everybody.
Sheldon: Well, I'm not everybody. I have an eidetic memory. I should be able to remember what song this is, but I can't. Something's wrong with me.
Penny: I told you if we were patient, he'd figure it out for himself.

Penny: [on the phone] No, mom. It's the same guy I've been going out with for the past two years. Yeah, the scientist. Well, it's complicated. He works with lasers and atomic magnets. No, I did not see it coming. No, we have not set a date. No, I am not pregnant. Yeah, this is a first for our family.

Raj: [to Amy] If you were having Sheldon's baby, would you really want him in the room?
Penny: Yeah, if he's in the room when they're making the baby, I'll give you $10.

Leonard: What am I supposed to do?
Penny: Err, keep your mouth off other women.

(Sheldon knocks on Penny's door three times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny.

Penny: So that means, you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor and, Howard, you know a lot of doctors.

Penny: So what's going on?
Sheldon: I don't know. I looked around the room, and I saw all the faces and the presents, and it it was just too much.
Penny: I get that. Hey, you want to just bring a few people in here? You know, Wil Wheaton in the bathtub, Batman on the toilet. It'll be like the weirdest Comic-Con ever.

Howard: [looking at his caller ID] Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. [answering phone] Hey, baby...
Penny: His right hand is calling him?

Bernadette: Doesn't he know you have a boyfriend?
Penny: She doesn't have a boyfriend, she has a Sheldon.

Leonard: More Halloween candy. Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?
Penny: Oh, yeah. That's gone. It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time.