Leonard: I can't believe we actually did it.
Howard: 1,000 friggin' Penny Blossoms.
Penny: I just want you guys to know I am really grateful for your help, and for every dollar I make, I'm going to give you 20 cents.
Howard: That's your entire profit margin.
Penny: Oh. Then never mind.

Penny: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: It's not Saturday night. Why are you doing your laundry?
Sheldon: This is not my laundry.
Penny: Wow, are these Amy's? Kind of trashy, good for her.
Sheldon: Those are Howard's.
Penny: Ugh.

Penny: Why are you washing Howard's man panties?
Sheldon: Because if I don't, he won't give my paper to Stephen Hawking. He's a famous physicist.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, I know. He's the wheelchair dude who invented time.
Sheldon: That's close enough.

Leonard: But it does involve air travel. Okay, um, let me slice this Swiss cheese with my Swiss army knife, and then you can wash it down with a cup of Swiss Miss instant cocoa.
Penny: Okay, I'm starting to think Swiss is key here.
Leonard: Uh-huh.
Penny: We're going to Disneyland and ride the Matterhorn?
Leonard: How does that involve air travel?
Penny: We're going to Disney World and ride the Matterhorn?

Penny: Sheldon, what are you doing with maxi pads?
Sheldon: I have a lady friend who will be staying with me for a few days.
Penny: Oh. What?
Sheldon: I want her to feel at home. I also bought scented soaps, pantyhose, Midol, calcium chews and what is apparently a yogurt specifically designed to regulate the female bowel.
Penny: Wait, wait, hold on, back up. You're having a woman stay with you?
Sheldon: Yes. Why does that seem to flabbergast everybody?
Penny: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not flabbergasted. I'm puzzled. Yeah, let's go with puzzled.

Penny: You know what? I'm just gonna take the bus to work.
Leonard: Penny, I can still drive you.
Penny: Oh, no, no, it's okay. You might slip on a banana peel and get me pregnant.

Penny: Whatever your secret is, I'm sure it's boring, so I'm not interested.
Leonard: It's not boring at all. You see, in higher order mathematics, there are certain sets of equations that...
Penny: Bored.
Leonard: Satisfied?
Sheldon: Hardly. Consider this unlikely but very plausible scenario. A young woman alone in the big city, her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her.
Penny: Hey, wait a minute.
Howard: Well, hang on. Let's see where he's going.
Sheldon: Then it hits her. How is she going to survive? I mean, she has no prospects, no marketable skills. And then one day, she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard.
Howard: Hey...
Penny: Hang on. Let's see where he's going.

Penny: What you doing? Trying to contact your home planet?
Sheldon: I'm practicing my theremin.

Sheldon: Oh, Penny, where do I begin? The simple-mindedness of your idea is exceeded only by its crass consumerism and banality.
Penny: And Leonard didn't want to work with you? Imagine that.

Penny: Okay, how about this? You know how you're always trying to learn about sarcasm?
Sheldon: No.
Penny: No?
Sheldon: I was being sarcastic.
Penny: Oh. Good for you.

Penny: Okay, these are Uggs. These are Crocs. These are knockoff Manolo Blahniks.
Sheldon: Bored.
Penny: Look, you said it yourself, we have to create a database before you can write an alga-thingy.
Sheldon: Algorithm. You see, Penny, Alan Turing defined an algorithm...
Penny: Bored.

Howard: So you finally getting used to them doing it on a daily basis?
Penny: I'm not going out with him. He can sleep with whoever he wants.
Howard: Yeah, I was talking to Raj.
Penny: Oopsy.

Penny: Hey, I think I know how you did the card trick.
Sheldon: Oh. Oh, please. If I don't know, you don't know. That's axiomatic.
Penny: Come here. (Whispers theory to Howard)
Howard: You're right.
Penny: Not too bad for someone who doesn't know what axiomatic means.

Penny: Gosh, I worked my ass off today. This is exactly what I needed.
Leonard: Great. Just relax and enjoy. Tonight is all about you.
Penny: Aw, thank you.
Leonard: So, where exactly are we in this relationship?
Penny: Oh, come on.

Amy: You okay in there, bestie?
Penny: I'm fine.
Amy: The reason I ask is that many people experience bladder shyness, the inability to pass urine
Penny: Yeah, I said I'm fine. Stop talking to me.