Bernadette: I've actually been thinking I'm going to hyphenate, Bernadette Mary-Ann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.
Penny: Nice. You know, you should totally get BernadetteMaryAnnRostenkowskiWolowitz.com before someone snaps it up.
Bernadette: Howard already took care of it.

Bernadette: When I first met Howard, he seemed so innocent to me, just a sweet little guy who lives with his mother.
Penny: Well, if that's what you like, I'll take you to the comic book store, the place is full of 'em.
Bernadette: Wait a minute. You set me up with Howard. Did you know about all the creepy stuff he was into?
Penny: Well, a little. You hear stuff.

Bernadette: Why didn't you tell me?
Penny: Well, I was gonna, but I didn't think it would go past the first date. Then, when it did, I thought for sure it wouldn't go past you meeting his mother. Definitely not past the two of you sleeping together. I mean, the warning signs were there, this is really on you.

Penny: Oh, my God, Howard. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. And it came out of you.

Penny: I can't believe it. All this time I've been doing nothing but sit around and miss that guy. And you know what the worst part is?
Sheldon: That you're having to process your emotional pain without vodka?
Penny: No. Yeah.

Bernadette: (Looking at the painting Amy bought Penny) That is big.
Penny: So big.
Bernadette: And ugly.
Penny: So ugly.

Leonard: So, listen, do you remember when I said the similarities of the equations of general relativity and hydrodynamics suggest you could find the equivalent of Unruh radiation in a large body of water?
Penny: I thought I said that to you.

Leonard: I'll be on a ship in the North Sea.
Penny: On a ship? Aren't they afraid Hawking will just roll overboard?
Leonard: Uh, he's not gonna be there. He's just sending a team to research his theory.
Penny: Oh, sure. Like when you send me to kill spiders in your bathtub.

Penny: Oh, sweetie, if you're gonna screw things up, it's gonna be while you're here, not while you're away. No. I mean, look, you have to go. It sounds like an amazing opportunity. And I'm just basing that on how much I didn't understand what you said about it.

Sheldon: Oh, look who's in favor of compromise, the woman who married Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: Hey, she didn't compromise. She settled. There's a difference.
Penny: Yeah, you tell him, babe.

Penny: Oh come on, he's a grown man. He can take care of himself.
Amy: You really believe that?
Penny: Once again, you got me.

Penny: Oh, I can't wait for you to meet everyone. I told them all about you.
Susan: Like what? Do they know about your brother?
Penny: Uh, not everything. Just, like, the jail and drugs part.

Susan: No more drug talk for the rest of this trip.
Wyatt: I'll drink to that.
Susan: Haven't you had enough?
Wyatt: Penny drinks more than I do.
Penny: Well, I learned from the best.
Wyatt: Aw! (Penny and Wyatt clink their beer bottles together)

Bernadette: Hi.
Penny: Hey.
Bernadette: What brings you by?
Penny: Oh, had to go to a sales seminar on our new sleeping pill.
Bernadette: Oh, how was it?
Penny: Great.
Bernadette: Fell asleep?
Penny: In, like, two minutes.

Penny: Oh, you know, I also lied about the girl in the bathroom. Yeah, we actually dumped her retainer in the toilet and put it back in her mouth.