Leonard: How was Nebraska?
Penny: Oh, better than North Dakota! [silence] I guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska.
Sheldon: From the data at hand you really can't draw that conclusion. All you can say with absolute certainty is that that joke is not funny here.
Penny: Boy, it's good to be back.

Penny: Okay, sweetie, I'll take care of you. What do you need?
Sheldon: Well, my mom used to give me sponge baths.
Penny: Okay, ground rules: no sponge baths and definitely no enemas.
Sheldon: Agreed.

Penny: You deliberately stuck me with Sheldon.
Leonard: Well, I had to, you see what he's like.
Sheldon: Penny! Penny, I'm hungry.
Penny: Uh, it's okay, sweetie. Good news, Leonard's home!
Leonard: No!

Leonard: Hey, why don't you tell me about your showcase last night?
Penny: Oh, it was okay, I guess. Wasn't a big turnout, but they both really seemed to like it.
Leonard: There were only two people there?
Penny: By the end, yeah.

Penny: Hi. How did the intervention go?
Sheldon: Unfortunately, we weren't able to convince him to go to rehab.
Penny: Well, based on what you told me, I'm not surprised.

Sheldon: Just the latest copy of Applied Particle Physics Quarterly.
Penny: Oh, you know, that is so weird that yours came and mine didn't.

Leonard: Is this the stuff you want me to try on?
Penny: No this is the stuff I want you to throw out. Seriously, don't even give it to charity. You won't be helping anyone.

Penny: Here, why don't you put these on while I find a shirt and sport-coat to match.
Leonard: Great, be right back.
Penny: Well, where you going, just put them on.
Leonard: Here?
Penny: Oh, are you shy?
Leonard: No, I'm not shy.
Penny: Don't worry, I won't look.
Leonard: I know you won't look. Why would you look. There's nothing to see. Well, not nothing...
Penny: Sweetie, put the pants on.
Leonard: Putting them on.

Penny: Alright, moving on. Oh, wow, a paisley shirt.
Leonard: Uh-huh, it goes with my corduroy suit.
Penny: If you mean it should end up in the same place then, I agree.

Penny: Is this your only tie?
Leonard: Ah. Technically yes, but, if you'll notice, it's reversible. So it works as two.
Penny: Oh, sweetie, I don't think it even works as one.

Sheldon: When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read [The Monkey and the Princess] to me. It's about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey who was mocked by all the other monkeys because he was different. For some reason I related to it quite strongly.
Penny: I know the reason.
Leonard: We all know the reason.

Leonard: I don't believe it. What's gotten into him?
Penny: Oh, maybe a couple of virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kinda slutty.
Leonard: You didn't.
Penny: Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.

Leonard: (Talking about Raj to Penny) Don't you have a drink that could make him less obnoxious?
Penny: Drinks do not do that.

Leonard: You know, Penny, we make such a good team, maybe we could enter a couple of Halo tournaments sometime.
Penny: Or we could just have a life.

Penny: Hey, guys! My friends and I got tired of dancing so we came over to have sex with you.
(The guys continue to play Halo).
Penny: Told ya.
(Penny and her friends leave).
Sheldon: Why did you hit pause?
Leonard: I thought I heard something.
Rajesh: What?
Leonard: No, never mind.