Raj: It doesn't matter. They'll find a way to give me a one-way ticket back to Ghandiville. And by the way, when I say that it's not offensive.

Raj: We are from the Lollipop guild and we want you!

Raj: You think you're so cool because your wife is a person?

Raj: Hey, you guys just time travelled so stop looking so bored.

Emily: It's fine. All my friends love this story. They call you Clogzilla.
Raj: Get it? Because you clogged up her bathroom like a radioactive monster.

Raj: Hey, I got you a little gift.
Bernadette: Oh, that's a lot of Girl Scout Cookies.
Raj: You know me. I'm from India. I can't resist children begging.

Mrs. Koothrappali: Rajesh, is your father seeing someone?
Raj: All I know, Mummy, is that he's a single wealthy doctor, and now, for some reason, there's no money for your little boy.

Claire: Do you think I could pick your brain for my movie some time? It's animated sci-fi for kids.
Raj: Sure. I love animated movies.
Howard: He does, and he has the Lilo & Stitch collector plates to prove it.
Raj: Excuse me for wanting a little magic in my life.

Raj: Okay, we did have a vibe. This is exciting. What's my next move?
Bernadette: You still have a girlfriend.
Raj: Right. Good catch.

Howard: Maybe that's an idea, guidance systems for drunk people.
Raj: They have that. It's called Uber.

Raj: Okay, that's cool. I guess everybody's involved in this project but me. So, see ya.
Bernadette: I feel bad. Should we have asked him to stay?
Raj: (From outside) Yes.

Howard: Are we there yet?!
Bernadette: Soon.
Howard: Why is it taking so long?!
Raj: Howard, Howard, look at the DVD screen. I put on Batman: The Animated Series. Your favorite!
Howard: I'm in too much pain (Batman music starts playing) to watch cartoo-- Oh! This is a good one.
Raj: I've been babysitting him way longer than you have.

Howard: Anyway, this is Leonard and Sheldon. The three of us came up with the guidance system.
Leonard: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
Howard: And this is my friend, Raj.
Raj: Oh, I'm not on the patent. I'm just here because there's a bumblebee in my office.
Leonard: I saw it. It's big.

Howard: Now I'm having a son? I'll have to teach him how to play sports, and-and watch sports and-and-and-and-and-and--
Raj: He just ran out of man things. He's in trouble.

Raj: Yeah, I guess I'm an astrophysicist because, as a kid, I said I like to look at the stars, so my dad sent me to Hawaii to visit the Keck telescope. Screw you. My pain is real.