Leonard: Hey, Penny and I were thinking of getting a big paintball game together.
Howard: Oh, Leonard, why does she want to shoot you?
Leonard: She doesn't want to shoot me.
Raj: Who doesn't want to shoot you?
Leonard: Penny.
Raj: No, that doesn't sound right.

Anu: So I told my mom she just needed to back off. This is our wedding, and if anyone's gonna design the floral arrangements, it's going to be my man.
Raj: Thank you. I mean, I'm not trying to be a groomzilla, but this is my specialty.

Anu: Someone texting you?
Raj: Uh, no. It's just my, uh, doorbell camera.
Anu: Oh. I got one of those for my place, but I never installed it.
Raj: Oh, it's easy. I can do it for you. You're gonna love it. It's how I found out a raccoon was stealing my cheese-of-the-month club.
Anu: What did you do?
Raj: Nothing. I didn't want to piss it off. It was, like, huge from eating all the cheese.

Bernadette: Really? She asked you to move in with her?
Stuart: Yeah, she was hinting around about it, but I think I handled it pretty well.
Raj: "Pretty well"? You ran out of there so fast, if it was a cartoon, there would have been a Stuart-shaped hole in the wall.

Raj: Oh, man, that last episode of Star Trek: Discovery was crazy.
Leonard: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I-I'm actually one behind.
Howard: I haven't started the new season yet.
Leonard: Ooh, uh, how about this week's Walking Dead?
Howard: Two behind.
Raj: Three behind.
Howard: Black Mirror?
Leonard: No.
Raj: No.
Leonard: Come on, there must be something we've all seen.
Raj: Oh, how about that video of my dog I sent you, where she's growling at a pinecone?
Howard: I actually hadn't watched it yet, but thanks for ruining the ending.

Sheldon: Are we done talking about Howard's failed conjugal relations? I have an actual Nobel Prize crisis to deal with.
Raj: Has anything changed since the last time you talked about it?
Sheldon: No.
Howard: Is there anything you can do about it?
Sheldon: No.
Raj: Then shut up or go wait in the car!

Bernadette: We have kids, and it's not smart to put us both in danger.
Raj: That's a good point. When I was little, my parents never flew together. We thought it was because they loved us, but it turns out they hated each other.

Raj: So, Leonard, what are you gonna do while Penny's away?
Leonard: I don't know. Maybe watch a movie with subtitles.
Sheldon: If you're looking for something outside the norm, I have invented a new chess variant where the bishops can also move like knights.
Raj: What do you call that, Bishops Be Crazy?
Sheldon: First of all, it would be "Bishops Are Crazy."
Raj: Not if you're being crazy.
Leonard: Checkmate.

Raj: This is nice. All my friends hanging out, watching Ellen. It's like, what am I gonna do with my other two wishes?

Leonard: Those guys are good at self-promoting, so what? No one ever won a Nobel for being nice.
Raj: Yeah, but if they did, do you know who would win one?
Howard: Are you gonna say Tom Hanks?
Raj: He picked up a shovel and helped the guy replant.

Raj: And, with apologies to Lady Gaga, that's how a star is born.
Howard: Told you he was gonna mention Lady Gaga.
Bernadette: At least he didn't talk about how much he cried during that movie.
Raj: Although, if you haven't seen that movie, you should. I cried so much.

Raj: How's the concierge conference? You guys just get theater tickets for each other all day long?
Anu:It's going great, and the company put me in a nice place in Notting Hill.
Raj: Notting Hill? Like the movie? Uh, "I'm just a boy standing in front of a girl saying" you better bring me home a T-shirt.

Amy: You know, you're right. This is a huge day for me, and I'm allowed to enjoy it without worrying how it's going to affect my husband.
Raj: Is it me or did it just get fierce in here?

Raj: I was going to spend the night with my special little lady, but she got worms and I had to take her to the vet.

Howard: Maybe she'll dig it. Women like a firm hand on the tiller.
Raj: I can never find the tiller. I got a book, it didn't help.