Sheldon: Stuart, I was wondering if you can help me find something.
Stuart: Happy to, unless it's hope or a reason to live?
Sheldon: Oh, you make me laugh, sad clown.

Sheldon: The horror!
Penny: Sheldon, I'm sure it's going to be fine.
Sheldon: No, it's not going to be fine. Change is never fine. They say it is, but it's not.

Sheldon: Yes, hello. This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I'm at 2311 North Robles Avenue. Yeah, I'd like to report a dangerous wild animal. A blue jay. I'm sorry, this is Animal Control. I don't understand the laughter. No, the bird is not in my home. If he was in my home, I obviously would have called 911. Sir, I have no doubt that there are things that you're frightened of. Being stuck in a dead-end public service job? Or your wife stepping out on you because you're stuck in a dead-end public service job? Or spiders? Don't you think I tried making cat noises?

Leonard: Hey, how's Bernadette handling bed rest?
Howard: She lies around all day eating Mallomars and hollering at me, so her transformation from my wife to my mother is complete.
Sheldon: Congratulations. I know that's what you were hoping for.

Amy: Have I ever told you you're like a sexy praying mantis?
Sheldon: Every time you drink alcohol.

Sheldon: Point of inquiry. Given that Leonard is your secondary friend and Koothrappali is your primary friend, why didn't you seek refuge under his roof?
Howard: There's no room. His sister is staying with him.
Leonard: Wait, wait. What?
Sheldon: Cocoa, Leonard. Focus. I'm down in the dumps here.

Raj: Are there any chopsticks?
Sheldon: You don't need chopsticks, this is Thai food.
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the nineteenth century. Interestingly they don't actually put the fork in their mouth, they use it to put the food on a spoon which then goes into their mouth.
Leonard: Ask him for a napkin, I dare you.

Leonard: Excuse me, your entire argument is predicated on the assumption that Superman's flight is a feat of strength.
Sheldon: Are you listening to yourself, it is well established that Superman's flight is a feat of strength, it is an extension of his ability to leap tall buildings, an ability he derives from Earth's yellow Sun.
Howard: Yeah, and you don't have a problem with that? How does he fly at night?
Sheldon: Uh, a combination of the moon's solar reflection and the energy storage capacity of Kryptonian skin cells.

Sheldon: Aquaman? This isn't a gag gift, Stuart.

Leonard: Raj, no, it's a trap. They're flanking us!
Raj: Oooh, he's got me.
Howard: Sheldon, he's got Raj. Use your sleep spell. Sheldon! Sheldon!
Sheldon: I've got the Sword of Azeroth!
Leonard: Forget the sword, Sheldon, help Raj.
Sheldon: There is no more Sheldon. I am the Swordmaster!

Raj: He'll have a Shirley Temple.
Sheldon: And don't be chintzy with the Shirley.

Amy: Is there anything I can do to help?
Sheldon: Yes. I want you to be in charge of our wedding. Just you tell me where and when, and I will show up with a boutonnire and close-toed shoes and a a Star Trek uniform underneath my tuxedo. That last part is non-negotiable.

Sheldon: Pick a card, Sheldon. Now look at it and put it back in the deck. Now do you remember your card? Of course I do, I have an eidetic memory.

Sheldon: [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, Little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, Purr, purr, purr.
Amy: That helps.
Sheldon: Shh, I'm singing.

Leonard: Well, we'd better call somebody to come pick us up.
Sheldon: It'd be swell if they had a train.