Sheldon: Counter-proposal. We reinstate the full roommate agreement with the following addendum, in the spirit of Mother's Day or Father's Day, once a year, we set aside day to celebrate all your contributions to my life, both actual and imagined by you. We could call it Leonard's Day.
Leonard: I kind of like the sound of that.
Sheldon: Of course you do. It's about you, like everything else. [lights come back on] Oh, thank goodness. I don't think I had it in me to make another glass of water.
Leonard: So, do I get breakfast in bed on Leonard's Day?
Sheldon: No.
Leonard: Can I sit in your spot?
Sheldon: No.
Leonard: Can I control the thermostat?
Sheldon: No.
Leonard: Do I get a card?
Sheldon: Of course you get a card. It's Leonard's Day.

Penny: Hey, guys, the building manager said the reason the power went out is someone went down into the basement and just pulled the main breaker switch.
Leonard: Really. Who do you think did that, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, I don't know. But whoever that mystery man was, you should be eternally grateful, for without him, there would be no Leonard's Day.
Penny: Leonard's Day?
Sheldon: Oh, no pressure. Just get him a crummy card, you're good.

Sheldon: But I need it. It's the only way to settle the contradictions between gravity and quantum mechanics.
Penny: Well, it's too much money, you can't ask for that all at once.
Sheldon: Well, what if I ask for it in six easy installments of $83,333,333.33?

Sheldon: So with this level of high-power laser array, we would actually be able to solve the black hole information paradox once and for all.
President Siebert: That's impressive, and how much funding were you looking for?
Sheldon: $20 million.
President Siebert: Really? You think you can build that for $20 million?
Sheldon: Not a chance.
President Siebert: I'm sorry, then why are you asking me for it?
Sheldon: Because once you've spent $20 million, you're much more likely to give me an additional 50.
President Siebert: So actually, what you're saying is with $70 million, you can build this.
Sheldon: I can see why you'd think that, but no. You can't go to the board of trustees and say you gave Sheldon Cooper $70 million and have nothing to show for it. No, the only way you'd be able to save face is to double down.
President Siebert: So 140?
Sheldon: And then double again.
President Siebert: 280?
Sheldon: And then - good news - not quite double again. So, uh, what do you say? We have a deal?

Sheldon: This is it.
Pit Boss: Is everything okay, sir?
Sheldon: Oh. Hi. It's better than okay. I am a physicist, and I have been observing this wheel for hours and running a chi-square analysis, which is how I know that the ball is far more likely to land on 32, 17 or five. So if you could hold off on replacing this wheel, I'd like to make several large bets.
Pit Boss: Well, good for you. Pelican.
Sheldon: What's pelican?
Pit Boss: Sir, would you come with us?
Sheldon: Oh, no. I have to place my bet first. This is for science. [carried away by security]
Croupier: 17 black.
Sheldon: No! No!

Leonard: Trust me, this will be just fine.
Howard: You are the authority on just fine.
Leonard: What's that supposed to mean?
Howard: (after Raj whispers to him) Yeah, exactly. Not bad, but not great.
Penny: What are they talking about?
Leonard: I don't know.
Sheldon: I know. As I'm sure you're aware...
Leonard: Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.
Sheldon: If that's Morse code, that's terrible.

Penny: You may be right about me and Leonard.
Sheldon: Of course I'm right What are the odds I'd be wrong twice in one week?
Penny: No, I mean, we can always go back to being friends.
Sheldon: I just said that. This conversation has started to circle. Meeting adjourned.

Amy: Why do you keep tying and untying that bow tie?
Sheldon: I can't seem to get it even.
Amy: Well, I don't think it's supposed to be even. Sometimes a little asymmetry looks good. In the Renaissance, they called it "sprezzatura."
Sheldon: The Renaissance? Amy, you know I'm more of an Enlightenment person. At some point, we have to decide how we want to raise the children.

Missy: Hey, Shelly.
Sheldon: I'm so glad you made it, Missy. This is my fiancée, Amy. Amy, this is my sister. If I ever need a kidney, this is where you get it.

Sheldon: And next, if either of us ever invents time travel, we agree our first stop will be this meeting today in precisely five seconds.
Leonard: Okay. [They look around, nothing happens]
Sheldon: Well that's disappointing.

Sheldon: Good morning, wife.
Amy: Good morning, husband. I can't believe we're actually married.
Sheldon: It's official. According to tradition, we should hang the bedsheets outside so the villagers can see that we consummated.
Amy: I don't think that that's appropriate, considering where we're starting our honeymoon.
Sheldon: Well, I suppose you're right. Although, when you think about it, Lego is the perfect metaphor for marital congress. Two pieces that interlock with a satisfying snap.
Amy: Oh, that's the sound you were making.

Amy: Really, Sheldon? You want to do it again?
Sheldon: Don't act surprised. It's clearly marked on the schedule. Now, shall we steam the wrinkles out of our wizard robes, or make vigorous, socially sanctioned love? Either way, I can check something off my to-do list.
Amy: [reading Sheldon's to-do list on his phone] Socially sanc-- Oh, wow. Yeah, there it is right there.

Amy: You know, I'm a little jet-laggy. Maybe we can revisit this in the morning.
Sheldon: Oh, no can do. If we miss tonight, it's not scheduled until Thursday at 6:00. And that'll have to be "no frills," 'cause we've got a 6:30 reservation at Benihana.

Amy: Really? Would it be so bad to mix it up a little?
Sheldon: Mix it up? Who are you, Betty Crocker?

Tour Guide: And here we have the former hotel where Tesla perfected the three-phase alternating current motor.
Sheldon: That's wrong. I'm gonna say something.
Amy: Don't.
Sheldon: Well, then how will everyone know I'm the smartest boy here?