Amy: Let's pick ourselves out a nice turtle. Ooh, how about this one up on the log?
Sheldon: Hmm, I don't know. He kinda looks like a jerk.

President Siebert: You know, Caltech has 38 Nobel laureates. If you win, you and Amy will be 39 and 40.
Sheldon: Ooh! Dibs on 39.
Amy: What's the difference?
Sheldon: Wha- You are right, there is no difference at all.

Penny: Sheldon, you are a smart guy, you must know-
Sheldon: Smart? I'd have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as smart.

Leonard: I still don't understand why you bought that pill caddie. You're a young man.
Sheldon: Age is a state of mind, Leonard. In here I'm 90.

Sheldon: How can we ever hope to have a healthy relationship if I don't tell her how disappointed I am and how I'll never forgive her.

Penny: Sheldon, please, we already feel bad about this.
Sheldon: You know what they don't sell at The Container Store? Something large enough to contain my disappointment.
Although, if anyone did, it would be them.

Penny: Okay, while they get the cake, Sheldon, I just want to say, I hope you didn't think you were gonna get through tonight without a hug.
Sheldon: You know, I used to hate these hugs. Now they're just extremely irritating.

Sheldon: Why would I feel safer with Zachary Quinto at the foot of my bed?
Leonard: I don't know, he was pretty bad ass on Heroes.
Sheldon: Nope. Sorry Quinto, you're going back!

Leonard: Hey, Raj, I read a couple guys in your department may have discovered a new planet in our solar system?
Sheldon: Oh, I heard about that. Why didn't you discover it?
Raj: Because instead of being in the telescope room, I was busy making you guys homemade jam for the holidays.
Sheldon: Well, you be sure to let us know when you win the Nobel Prize for boysenberry

Sheldon: I smell funny. I taste salty.
Leonard: You're just sweaty from exercise.
Sheldon: And kind of delicious. I wonder how many licks it would take to get to the center of me.
Leonard: I know it only takes one doctor's finger.

Santa: (By a cannon, pointed at Sheldon) This is for leaving me in the dungeon to be eaten alive by ogres!
Sheldon: Wait, uh, uh, hang on. In my defense
Santa: Ho, ho, ho, ya big dork. (Fires cannon)

Sheldon: Thank you, Arthur. You are the wisest of the wise.
Professor Proton: Well, that's very nice of you to say, but I think I'm just an expression of your unconscious mind.
Sheldon: Oh, sure. Well, you're fun to look at.

Amy: Hi, Sheldon. What's up?
Sheldon: Well, I'm calling because Thanksgiving is coming up, and I wanted to offer you the aquarium tickets.
Amy: No one can go with you?
Sheldon: No. They'd rather spend the holiday with each other than find out if this is the year I finally touch a starfish.

Sheldon: People should take care of themselves.
Leonard: Oh, like yesterday when you made me drive you to the dry cleaners, the pharmacy and the post office?
Sheldon: I'm not saying people can't use tools. Even an otter picks up a rock when he wants a clam.

Sheldon: (On the phone) This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the planetarium. Yeah, well, I'm sorry too, but there's just no room for you in my wallet. No, I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History, and frankly, you don't have dinosaurs. Oh, I'll miss you too. Bye-bye.