Penny: I thought they fired you guys.
Sheldon: They did, but then they hired me back.
Leonard: Well, you better not be working on our project, because we're a team.
Sheldon: Leonard, there is no "I" in team. However, there is an "I" in "I'm working with the military and you're not." There's five of them, in fact.

Howard: You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.
Sheldon: Which one picks last?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Well, usually I'm on the team that picks last. Unless there's a kid in the wheelchair.

Amy: Why'd you pop it?
Sheldon: Sorry, I was aiming for your heart.

Bert: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I've been thinking about it, and I suppose I could help you with your research.
Bert: What changed your mind?
Sheldon: Bert, I'm a gift horse. Don't look me in the mouth.

Leonard: Hey, I made French toast sticks.
Sheldon: On oatmeal day?
Leonard: Ah, I also made oatmeal.
Sheldon: Ooh, that's a lot of carbohydrates for a man on the prowl. You know what? You eat it. You're married, it doesn't matter what you look like.

(Leonard standing outside the door to Sheldon and Amy's apartment)
Leonard: Help! Cinnamon's loose in the building!
Sheldon: (Inside) Amy, quick, lock the door!

Sheldon: So, did you defile my mother or not?

Leonard: That's not necessary.
Sheldon: It is. They're what hold back the urine and faeces.

Leonard: I'm a little nervous.
Sheldon: Well, get over it. Confidence is key in these situations.
Leonard: Right. *Pushes button*
Sheldon: You pushed it! Are you out of your mind?

Sheldon: Who would win in a fight, you or a shark?

Sheldon: Very well. You may celebrate my life by throwing a party with cake, presents and a shower of admiration and love. But then you owe me big-time.

Amy: Well, for starters, there's nothing wrong with keeping our toothbrushes in the same holder.
Penny: Sheldon, what do you say to that?
Sheldon: I think we should see other people.

Penny: Do you even like the Beach Boys?
Sheldon: They have "beach" right in the name. What do you think?

Sheldon: What is it?
Amy: Well, your birthday's coming up and you've never let us celebrate it. And I was hoping maybe this year we could.
Sheldon: Oh, I suppose that's a discussion we could have. (Sheldon runs back up the stairs)
Amy: Okay, great, I mean, it doesn't have to be a big party or anything. I was just - Where'd he go?

Sheldon: Some news of our wedding. I have sent you all a "save the date" e-mail.
Penny: Oh, exciting. You guys picked a date?
Sheldon: Better. I picked 80 dates. And I need you to save them all until we narrow it down.