Stuart Bloom Quotes Page 9 of 13

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Quote from the episode The Property Division Collision

Bernadette: Thank you again for cooking. It's getting tough for me to be on my feet all day.
Stuart: You just kick back and relax; I've got it all under control.
Raj: Although it was already under control.
Stuart: I'm sorry, you mumbled something?
Raj: It's just that they've had plenty of help.
Stuart: Well, you know what they say. It takes a village.
Raj: Well, they already had a village.
Stuart: I noticed the village couldn't find time to put the crib together.
Raj: Yeah, well, maybe the village was too busy checking out the local Montessori school for the new arrival.
Stuart: You mean the one with the empty beer bottles in the sandbox? We'll pass, thank you.

Quote from the episode The Property Division Collision

Stuart: Hey, what's up?
Raj: I'm here to put the crib together.
Stuart: Ooh, sorry, I already did it.
Raj: Oh, I don't know if you realize this, but I bought that crib.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, I read about that on
Raj: Why are you being like this?
Stuart: Because I love Howard and Bernadette and if I want to keep mooching off them, I need to be helpful.

Quote from the episode The Property Division Collision

Bernadette: (off-screen) Howard!
Howard: Guys, you heard her, go see what she wants.
Bernadette: (enters the room) I think I'm in labor.
Howard: Oh, oh, okay. Okay, uh, uh, uh, I can do this. We have a plan. Somebody please tell me the plan.
Stuart: I'll get the hospital bag.
Raj: I'll pull the van up.
Stuart: Meet you outside in 2 minutes.
Raj: Team Baby, go!
Howard: I love you.
Bernadette: I love you, too.
Stuart: Are we hugging or having a baby? Let's go!

Quote from the episode The Hot Tub Contamination

Raj: What time do you and Bernadette head out?
Howard: As soon as I get home. We're hoping to make it before dark.
Raj: I've never been to Palm Springs.
Stuart: Oh, you should go. It's terrific. I really thrive anywhere the women and the temperature are over 90.

Quote from the episode The Proposal Proposal

Raj: It's just it's hard talking to my other friends about this, but I knew you would understand.
Stuart: Why is that?
Raj: Because you and I are both alone, which is actually kind of comforting, because at least we can be alone together.
Stuart: Mm. This is, this is awkward. I, um, I was actually gonna close up a little early tonight 'cause I have a date.
Raj: Really?
Stuart: Yeah.
Raj: (clears throat) Forgive me if I'm having trouble being happy for you.
Stuart: Don't be silly, I'm loving your pain.

Quote from the episode The Comic-Con Conundrum

Stuart: Okay, I can give you 20 bucks for the whole box.
Raj: But you charged me hundreds for this stuff. I know.
Stuart: And I did it with a straight face.

Quote from the episode The Comic-Con Conundrum

Stuart: I'll give you 25 bucks. That's my best offer.
Raj: I have no choice.
Stuart: You know, if you want to make extra money, I could throw some work your way.
Raj: Really? I'll do anything.
Stuart: Great, you're hired. First thing you can do is put price tags on these. Start the little ones at $50.

Quote from the episode The Hot Tub Contamination

Raj: Here you go.
Stuart: Thank you.
Raj: Shall we toast?
Stuart: To Howard and Bernadette, and the house key they never asked me to return.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Howard: Stuart, stop driving like an old man. Speed it up a little.
Stuart: I'm not an old man! I just can't see at night.

Quote from the episode The Birthday Synchronicity

Bernadette: (To Howard) I'm so thirsty. Give me more ice chips.
Stuart: (munching on ice chips) Sorry. I thought these were room ice chips.

Quote from the episode The Comic-Con Conundrum

Howard: This is for you.
Raj: What's this?
Bernadette: It's back pay for all the babysitting and taking care of Halley you've done.
Howard: There's more than enough in there to cover Comic-Con.
Stuart: Um, I also take care of Halley.
Bernadette: And you live here for free.
Stuart: I do, ma'am, thank you, ma'am.

Quote from the episode The Perspiration Implementation

Amy: Stuart, believe it or not, I understand. You know, before I met Sheldon, I was alone for a really long time. I was so desperate for people to like me, when I met these guys, it took everything in my power to hide my insecurity.
Stuart: Okay, we're all feeling it. Yes, I'll go out with you.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Howard: Should we do something about Nowitzki?
Leonard: Like what?
Raj: Well, she's single, so if somebody else asks her out and she says yes, then we know she's not into Sheldon.
Stuart: I'll do it.
Leonard: No offense, Stuart, but the woman's a doctor.
Stuart: So? Doctors like me. Whenever I see mine he calls in a bunch of other doctors to have a look.
Howard: She's not that kind of doctor.
Stuart: Oh. Well, her loss. I've been called a genuine medical oddity.

Quote from the episode The Raiders Minimization

Stuart: Aw man, if I'd started this years ago I'd be divorced two or three times by now.

Quote from the episode The Matrimonial Momentum

Stuart: I know what you're going through. My last break-up was pretty tough.
Amy: Oh, what was her name?
Stuart: Hey, it's a true story. I don't need the third degree.

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