Penny: Should we take this little party to the bedroom?
Leonard: We don't have to. We have the whole place to ourselves.
Penny: Oh, that's true.
Leonard: In fact, if you want, we can do it right here on Sheldon's spot.
Penny: That is the least sexy thing anyone's ever said to me.

Penny: Okay, Sheldon, you don't have to do this because Leonard and I are not-
Leonard: Are you sure you want to include him in this?
Sheldon: Include me in what? Is there a plot afoot? I'll have no truck with plots.
Penny: No, you're right. No, there's no plots, no trucks, no feet.

Amy: What happened to "I'm never gonna have kids"?
Penny: It was an accident. I went out drinking with Sheldon.
Amy: [gasps] Oh, my gosh. We're sister wives?
Penny: No! Then I went home and slept with Leonard.
Amy: While fantasizing about-
Penny: Leonard. And a little Idris Elba.

Sheldon: When I signed for this package, I was deputized by the United Parcel Service, and entrusted with its final delivery. I now need you to acknoweldge receipt of the package so I'm fully indemnified and no longer liable.
Penny: Sheldon, it's just a box of rhinestones.
Sheldon: Well, the content are irrelevant. A legal bailment has been created. Does that mean nothing to you?
Penny: It means nothing to anybody.

Raj: I came here for your support.
Leonard: Well, then, you just walked up three flights of stairs for nothing.
Penny: Wait, don't you mean four flights?
Leonard: No, it's actually three.
Penny: But we're on the fourth floor. I mean, you have the lobby, first floor, second, third, fourth.
Leonard: The lobby's the first floor, so lobby, second, third, fourth.
Penny: That does not seem right.

Leonard: Penny's gonna call her dad and tell him it's not a good time for Randall to visit.
Penny: Hopefully, he won't be too upset.
Leonard: Oh, you're his little girl. He can't stay mad at you.
Penny: He won't be mad at me. I mean, you're the one who doesn't want my brother to come, so-
Leonard: So you're gonna throw me under the bus?
Penny: Oh, I'm gonna throw you so hard, I might actually win a stuffed animal.

Penny: Got it. Hey, who's the murderer?
Raj: Any question but that.
Penny: Sorry. Hey, who's not the murderer?

Penny: Whenever I'd see her, she'd say I was too skinny and would try and feed me.
Amy: She did that to me, too.
Penny: Don't take this away from me.

Leonard: Sheldon, that was really rude.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Amy is the one constant I can count on, and now she's changing.
Leonard: It's just a haircut and some clothes.
Sheldon: No, it's the last straw! I can't take any more! [elevator bell dings]
Penny: Can you believe it? They finally fixed the elevator.

Leonard: Here's the hotel room we all share.
Penny: Well, you and I would get our own room, right?
Leonard: Every hotel is booked. But, yeah, see this space here between Sheldon's feet and my head? That's where you go.
Penny: Well, it's no different than when Sheldon used to climb in bed with us during a thunderstorm.

Sheldon: Professor Proton hosted my favorite science show when I was a child. I never missed an episode. He demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects.
Leonard: It was pretty cool.
Penny: Aw, it's so cute when you use the word cool wrong. Like when kids say pasgetti.

Sheldon: All right, I've kept you in suspense long enough. "Dutch" is a bastardization of the word "Deutsch," meaning German.
Penny: What's German for "annoying"?
Sheldon: Nervig. Why do you ask?

Bernadette: When you moved here, you didn't have a lot of money. How'd you get by?
Penny: Well, sometimes you can get free food and Wi-Fi from the neighbors. Just know you might have to marry one of 'em.

Sheldon: This reminds me of a traditional Amish barn raising. With everyone pitching in.
Howard: How exactly are you pitching in?
Sheldon: I don't hear anyone else giving facts about traditional Amish barn raising.
Leonard: The rest of us are pitching in with hammers and nails.
Sheldon: Well, facts are my nails, and my voice is the hammer which pounds them through the wood of your skull.
Penny: Well, that is how it feels.

Leonard: Was Amy suspicious when they had to let your dress out?
Penny: No. She was so happy, she didn't even question it.
Leonard: Someone's gonna figure it out. Why don't we just tell people?
Penny: No, it's too early. I haven't even wrapped my head around it.
Leonard: I have. My head is wrapped.
Penny: Yeah, well if something else had been wrapped, we wouldn't be in this situation.