Penny: You wrote vows?
Leonard: Yes.
Penny: I don't have any. You're kind of making me look bad.
Leonard: I don't have to say them.
Penny: No, go ahead. I'll come up with something mushy, you'll cry. We've got this.

Leonard: Well, I can't read your mind, Penny!
Penny: Really? Why not? You're so smart, and I'm so dumb.

Amy: I guess this is what we get for being with two testosterone-fueled alpha males. At some point, they're bound to lock horns.
Penny: I'm assuming these are some kind of horns they bought at Comic-Con?

Penny: Get away from me or I swear to God I will rip out what's left of your pubes!

Sheldon: What would constitute a perfect day for you?
Penny: Well, I'd probably sleep in. Do a little yoga. Then lie on the beach while cute cabana boys brought me drinks, and probably get a massage. Then probably cap off the night with some dancing.
Sheldon: That's it?
Penny: Yeah, why?
Sheldon: You didn't mention Leonard.
Penny: He's there.
Sheldon: I don't think so. Leonard can't stand yoga, the beach, massages or dancing.
Penny: Yeah, well, he brought a book.

Penny: Well, I can't read people's minds. Actually, that's not true, I can read men's minds, but only because it's usually the one thing.
Sheldon: When are we going to get robot eyes.
Penny: You're all alike.

Penny: Hey, guys, some of the other waitresses wanted me to ask you something.
Leonard: It's called trestling.
Howard: It combines the physical strength of arm wrestling with the mental agility of tetris into the ultimate sport.
Penny: Yeah, that's terrific, but what they wanted me to ask you was to cut it the hell out.

Penny: You know when they chase you out of there, you only have to run faster than Sheldon.

Sheldon: All right, I've kept you in suspense long enough. "Dutch" is a bastardization of the word "Deutsch," meaning German.
Penny: What's German for "annoying"?
Sheldon: Nervig. Why do you ask?

Penny: All right, I take Bernadette.
Howard: Really? You're picking her over me?
Penny: Yeah, 'cause she's vicious and can hide behind a mushroom.

Amy: How long do you think you can keep it from him?
Bernadette: Yeah, isn't it gonna get worse the longer you wait?
Penny: Well, not necessarily. You know, Dad's not getting any younger, so if I wait long enough, I'll just tell him he walked me down the aisle and it was magical.

Amy: Think about all the fun things you get to do when you have a baby.
Penny: Yeah, yeah. You get to buy toys and little clothes.
Bernadette: I kind of already do that for Howie.

Howard: I'll take the apartment upstairs. I can finally get away from my mother, and we can spend some more time together, if you catch my drift.
Penny: The horror.

Sheldon: The Hungarians are just using you for dragon fodder.
Penny: Really? Boy, you'd think you could trust a horde of Hungarian barbarians.

Penny: I cannot believe you're mad.
Leonard: I'm not mad.
Penny: Oh, really? Tell that to your eyebrows. Bet I could place a quarter between them, and it would just stay there.