Sheldon: What are you doing?
Raj: Uh, making sure the telescope's camera is white-field balanced.
Sheldon: Hmm. What are you doing now?
Raj: Still making sure the telescope's camera is white-field balanced.
Sheldon: Oh, I see. How about now?
Raj: Now I'm making sure the telescope's camera is white-field balanced and wishing you had a coloring book.

Raj: Anyway, so I'm sorry to waste your time. And, uh and good luck with your screenplay.
Claire: Hang on. We're both adults. We can still get together without it meaning anything.
Raj: Not me. Ever since you admitted we had a vibe, I've been planning our wedding.
Claire: Look, it's just coffee. I'll ask you some questions about science, and if you propose, I promise to say no.
Raj: Okay. That hurts a little, but okay.

Raj: Hey, make sure you tell him that you weren't home when he came by and that your Indian friend gave you the message the moment you stepped through the door.

Georgie: Where's Mom?
Raj: Uh, she wanted to stop by the hotel and freshen up, and then call her pastor to pray for Missy's soul.

Bernadette: Since when do you work on weekends?
Raj: I'm an astrophysicist. The stars don't take a day off.
Penny: You were home alone and had no one to play with?
Raj: Well, the cleaning lady was there, but she doesn't like me.

Howard: That's ridiculous! If you had a superpower, and spent your whole life being told to suppress it, when you finally decide to embrace that power, why hide in isolation?!
Raj: I'm sorry, and how much money did your version of Frozen make?!
Howard: I'm just saying, instead of "Let it Go", she should really sing "Look At Me Hiding in a Freezer Like a Dove Bar".
Raj: She built an ice castle, made a snow monster and gave herself a complete makeover in one day. You know what I saw you do today? Eat a block of cream cheese straight from the foil and lie about it to your wife!

Howard: We should all take a trip or something.
Leonard: You know, Penny and I have been talking about taking a weekend in Vegas. Maybe we should all go.
Howard: Bernie would love that.
Raj: Ooh! Ooh! Maybe we could get one of those party buses to take us there.
Leonard: That sounds really fun.
Raj: Yeah, that sounds fun. A party-bus party don't stop. Ooh! When I say "party" you say "bus."
Leonard: No.
Howard: No.
Leonard: No.
Howard: No!

Raj: Okay. Would you ladies please leave the room for a moment?
Penny: Why?
Raj: I need to rub my genitals on their prototype.
Bernadette: What's going on?
Raj: Leonard and Howard dont have a flat. They went to the movies. Look.
Penny: Un-freakin' believable.
Bernadette: Son of a bitch!

Howard: He has so little self respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride.
Raj: He's right. But in my defense, if we could survive that, we could survive anything.

Penny: Okay, here they come.
Bernadette: Go hide.
Raj: Oh, man, when I come out of the closet, I'm gonna nail those guys! Yeah, I heard it. Shut up.

Bernadette: Seriously? You brought Raj over to take your side?
Raj: Your dad's on your side.
Bernadette: He's not on my side. He's doing all the work for free.
Raj: That is so generous of you. I'd like to switch sides.

Raj: But anyway why don't we just take a step back and start with a color? Right? There are so many amazing ones. Red, blue, green, purple-
Bernadette: Are you just gonna name all the colors?
Raj: Well, not now.

(Howard and Raj sing while playing the keyboards and guitar, respectively)
Howard: Wondering how it all began?
Raj: You'll need a good attention span-
Howard: For information and entertainment-
Raj: That's equally effective-
Both: It's Fun with Flags - Behind the Flags: A Retrospective. Flags!

Raj: Aw, I have to go to the bathroom so bad.
Sheldon: Every year, I told you wear a diaper.
Raj: I told you I get diaper rash!

Howard: Okay, sure, I can meet with you on Thursday. Caltech is fine. Yeah, and may I ask what this is about? (laughs) I may not?
Raj: (To Bernadette) That's what he said to me!