Penny: Hey, maybe the answer to your career question is in one of these.
Sheldon: Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that's solves life's problems and that's an Oreo. Or a nutterbutter if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon: I had the same feeling when I made my dad buy a betamax instead of a VHS.
Amy: You were just a little kid.
Sheldon: A little kid who picked the wrong format to record the MacNeil/Lehrer Report.

Raj: And we're blending, and we're blending, and we're done. Sheldon: I know Mr. Data isn't supposed to smile, but here it comes. Howard: (Dressed as a Borg) Come on, guys. Let's do this. Leonard: (dressed as Captain Picard): Yeah, I'm sweating my bald cap off.

Sheldon: This seemed so elegant at the time, but now I realize I was just a dumb country boy seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places.

Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, there you are. I need you to check my head for chair lice.
Leonard: I did it last night, I'm not doing it again.
Howard: Just his head, right?
Leonard: I don't want to talk about it. You didn't catch bugs from Penny's chair.
Sheldon: Yes, I did. And now they're cavorting at the base of my hair follicles, like dancing hippies at the Redwood National Forest.
Leonard: Sheldon, you do this all the time. You fixate on some crazy idea and then blow it way out of proportion.
Sheldon: Name one time I have ever done that.
Leonard: How about the time you put GPS trackers in your garbage because you were convinced that North Korean spies were stealing your doodles? The chicken nuggets you were sure were human nuggets. The strangely shaped cloud that was following you around town. The time you put on my shirt by mistake and were convinced that you started growing again.
Sheldon: I said name one. You really need to work on your listening skills.

Sheldon: Leonard, could you wrap it up? We're waiting on you.
Penny: I'm sorry, is the fact my life's falling apart interfering with your board game?
Sheldon: It is.
*Sheldon goes back into the apartment*
Sheldon: You were wrong, Friend Howard. She completely understood.

Howard: Okay, Raj, hand me the number six torque screwdriver.
Sheldon: Stop. We can't do this. It's not right.
Raj: Sheldon, you have two choices. Either you let him put a bigger hard drive in the TiVo, or you delete stuff before we go out of town.
Sheldon: But once you open the box, you've voided the warranty. The warranty is a sacred covenant we've entered into with the manufacturer. He offers to stand by his equipment, and we in return agree not to violate the integrity of the internal hardware. This little orange sticker is all that stands between us and anarchy.
Leonard: Okay, then we wont touch the hard drive. We'll just erase the first season of Battlestar.
Sheldon: (Rips off the sticker) There. We're outlaws.

Howard: What now?
Sheldon: I have to go to the bathroom.
Howard: You just went to the bathroom.
Sheldon: But I didn't use it because it didn't seem safe. Despite all my emails, the toilet didn't have a seatbelt.
Howard: Well, it still doesn't.
Sheldon: I realize that but safety concerns went out the window two apple juices ago.

Sheldon: I also was certain HD-DVD would win out over Blu-ray.
Amy: How old were you then?
Sheldon: Old enough to know better!

Sheldon: I have mixed feelings about interviews. I like the part where I talk, but I do not like the part where the other man talks.

Amy: Remember that time you didn't get picked to pull the sword out of the stone at Disneyland and they let that other kid do it?
Sheldon: Oh, that kid!
Poor Leonard.
Amy: Exactly.
Sheldon: For the record, that kid was a terrible choice. If you cry when you drop your churro, you do not have what it takes to rule England.

Amy: Poor Leonard.
Sheldon: Why? The theory he came up with just got mentioned in Scientific American. He ought to be thrilled.
Amy: He might not be.
Sheldon: Maybe you're right. He is kind of a lump.

Amy: Sheldon, this article doesn't mention Leonard at all.
Sheldon: Oh, that can't be right.
Amy: It only refers to Dr. Cooper and his team. Did you even talk about him?
Sheldon: All I did was answer a few questions about the theory, and then express my gratitude that Scientific American doesn't include any of those smelly perfume cards.

Sheldon: An article was just published in Scientific American about our theory.
Leonard: Did they hate it?
Sheldon: No, no, they loved it. They couldn't say enough nice things about it.
Leonard: So what's the problem?
Sheldon: You know how the pennysaver only has my name on it?
Leonard: Sheldon!
Sheldon: They didn't mention you in the article, only me.
Leonard: Really?
Sheldon: I know. It's not fair. *massages Leonard's shoulders* Let the anger go, buddy. You just, you relax all your muscles, except for your pubococcygeus and anal sphincter. Let's keep those going.

Howard: I'm an astronaut and you know it. You just don't like admitting it because you're jealous.
Sheldon: Well, truth be told, as a child I did dream of going to space. Those astronauts were my heroes. And when you got to go, it was hard for me.
Howard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Because it made me realize they'll just send anyone up there.