Leonard: Sheldon, I know what you did, now change the password back.
Sheldon: Well, powder me in sugar and call me a donut, if it isn't Leonard Hofstadter.

Sheldon: And guess where we get to sleep? Our choice of a turn-of-the-century railway bunkhouse or a working caboose. Now, the problem with a caboose is there's no bathroom, but the problem with the bunkhouse is it's not a caboose.

Amy: I'm not sleeping on the couch 'cause you don't know what's private and what's not.
Sheldon: This isn't fair. You've discussed aspects of our physical relationship with Penny.
Amy: That's different! She's a close friend, not the lady in the cafeteria who cuts the crust off your sandwiches!
Sheldon: That lady has a name. I don't know what it is, but one time, I accidentally called her "Mom".

Sheldon: I'm always honest with Amy. The other day she said she was self-conscious about the beauty mark on her shoulder, and I said, "You know, you can call that a beauty mark all you want. When there's hair growing out of it, that's a mole."
Leonard: Do you think she's as honest with you?
Sheldon: I should hope so. When she called me an insensitive jerk, I'd like to think she meant it.

Amy: Penny says they're ready to go. Very well.
Sheldon: Prepare for a long night of deceit.
Amy: Sheldon, women can wear makeup, it's not lying.
Sheldon: I was talking about Leonard. And if makeup is so truthful, why is it called "concealer"?

Amy: Sounds like everyone's staying home. What do you say?
Sheldon: Nuts to that, I'm going to Comic-Con!
Amy: By yourself?
Sheldon: Not necessarily. I have four months to find some new friends.
Stuart: I'll go with you.
Sheldon: That's very kind of you, Stuart. Check back in with me in July.

Sheldon: There's my pretty girlfriend.
Amy: I'm not going with you to Comic-Con.
Sheldon: What? Can't a man just be happy to see his woman and pat her on her second most erogenous ball-and-socket joint?
Amy: He can, but it's still not changing my mind.
Sheldon: Well, maybe what's in my pants will change your mind. It's a list of this year's panelists. It's long, isn't it?

Sheldon: Hey, Raj, I owe you an apology. Look, could you please put your dog on a leash?
Raj: Sheldon, she's fine.
Sheldon: Well, then at least hold her still so I can pretend she's stuffed.

Sheldon: Oh, and FYI, if you cry while they're fighting they'll take you to McDonald's.

Sheldon: Beverly believes I unconsciously consider my old room an escape hatch.
Amy: Is that bothering you?
Sheldon: Yes. I don't care for unconscious thoughts. My brain and I are best friends. It should tell me everything.
Amy: I mean, how it relates to our relationship, not the bromance between you and your brain.

Amy: Now, I'm sure many of you are wondering how Fun with Flags began.
Sheldon: So let's hear from some people who were there at the very start. Howard, flashback sounds.
Amy: Could have played that on my harp.
Sheldon: Just roll the clip.

Raj: I haven't had much success meeting people online.
Bert: I didn't either, until I revamped my profile.
Sheldon: What'd you do, delete your photo?
Amy: Go.
Sheldon: Fine.
Amy: And don't you slam that door.
Sheldon: Aw, man.

Amy: I'm sorry, Bert, but aren't you worried she's only with you for your money?
Bert: She better be. On our first date, I bought her an 80-inch flat-screen.
Sheldon: Your first date? Did you even measure her walls?

Raj: Hey, sorry if last night was awkward.
Bert: Actually, it got me thinking that I shouldn't flaunt my money to find love. I might break up with Rebecca.
Leonard: Wow, that's a big step.
Raj: I think it shows a lot of character.
Bert: I'm gonna hold out and see if I can find a hot young blonde who likes me for me.
Sheldon: (laughs) That's a good one. Okay, now, Leonard, you tell a joke.

Amy: Well, clearly mental tasks are not enough. Maybe you need to challenge your motor skills.
Sheldon: For the last time, I am not having a tickle fight with you.