Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Penny: That, believe it or not, is my prom dress.
Bernadette: Wow, you still have it? I just assumed it was balled up in a corner of a barn somewhere.

Amy: I simply pointed out that they would never consider doing an article ranking male scientists on their sexuality. Let alone showing them in various stages of undress.
Bernadette: Because no one wants to see Neil deGrasse Tyson in a wet t-shirt bent over the hood of a Porsche.

Bernadette: Please don't go. Up until my vicious attack, you were the one in the wrong.

Leonard: Thanks again for having us.
Howard: Of course. What do you guys want to talk about?
Penny: Well, now that we're engaged, we have some questions about how you handle money as a couple.
Bernadette: Told you they weren't going to ask us to swing with them.

Bernadette: Guess who won a hundred dollars playing craps?
Penny: That's a dollar.
Bernadette: Guess who wildly over-tipped a cocktail waitress?

Amy: Penny, let's go. We found a place that has Australian male strippers.
Bernadette: We want to see if they twirl their junk in the other direction.

Penny: That sounds great but I have a little more studying to do.
Amy: Can you believe this nerd?
Bernadette: Come on, do you want to sit here being a loser, or do you want to watch me climb into an Australian man's G-string like a baby kangaroo.

Howard: So me and the guys were talking about this great investment opportunity.
Bernadette: Nope.
Howard: But you didn't hear what it was.
Bernadette: I know.

Bernadette: Fine, what is it?
Howard: It's to help re-open the Comic Book Store.
Bernadette: Nope.

Penny: I haven't been on a job interview in years. I'm really nervous.
Bernadette: Don't be. You're built for pharmaceutical sales. You're cute, you're flirty, and I started that like there were gonna be three things.

Bernadette: Like our lawyers say, the world is full of things that can cause a rectum to bleed.

Bernadette: Oh, I understand. You wanna do something you're already good at? I know, why don't I get you a job at the sitting around all day wearing yoga pants factory?

Bernadette: Sorry, I'm late. The leaf blower broke so I had to hand dry my mother-in-law.

Bernadette: Little warning before you jump into this marriage business. You're not just marrying him, you're marrying his family.
Penny: I think Leonard's mom's okay with me.
Bernadette: It doesn't matter if she's okay with you. The question is can she go to the bathroom by herself?