Leonard: It took him a long time to get comfortable around me, too.
Amy: Really? What did you do?
Leonard: Something terrible in a former life? I don't know.

Sheldon: I suppose you're wondering why I put you through all this.
Leonard: You mean the last two minutes or the last 20 years?

Leonard: Listen. If you're imagining that it was sexy, it wasn't. We were both drunk and she smelled like an ashtray. The boat was moving a lot, so I chipped her tooth.
Penny: Did you feel guilty?
Leonard: Well, she had dental insurance.

Guy: Is this guy for real?
Leonard: Boy, I wish I could say no.

Leonard: I got all your favorites. Beer, wings, sliders. We can watch the football game. I even painted my stomach.
Penny: Go Sports?
Leonard: Well, in case you were in the mood for baseball, I didn't want to look ridiculous.

Howard: I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together.
Leonard: Yeah, it's like if Alien and Predator decided to go partners in a Jamba Juice.

Leonard: Hang on. Are you feeling insecure? Because that's my thing, and if you take it away, I don't know what I'm bringing to this relationship.

Leonard: Ladies do love a guy dressed like a kitchen garbage bag.

Penny: I can't believe Sheldon was gonna ask Amy to marry him.
Leonard: I know. I also can't believe he watched what we did on that couch and still sits on it.

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Dr. Wolcott? *knock knock knock* Dr. Wolcott? *knock knock knock* Dr. Wolcott? [sound of many locks clacking]
Howard: That's a lot of locks.
Leonard: Mm. That was a lot of knocks, they were made for each other.

Penny: Okay, what just happened?
Leonard: I don't know. Between you playing chess like Bobby Fischer and Sheldon being okay with you in his spot, I'm guessing someone went back in time, stepped on a bug, and changed the course of human events.

Sheldon: You know we're almost finished with our paper; we just need help tracking down the citations.
Leonard: That's busywork. Can't you just get a grad student to do it?
Amy: No, this paper is incredibly important to us, and we need someone we can trust.
Please, it would mean a lot.
Leonard: You know what? Sure. The three of us in the library looking up old papers, that actually could be kind of fun.
Sheldon: Oh, no, we won't be there.
Leonard: It just got more fun.

Priya: It's a little weird your ex-girlfriend hanging out here all the time.
Leonard: I know. I usually never see my ex-girlfriends, unless their hard drives crash.

Leonard: Well, I'm excited to show you around.
Penny: You think we'll have time to visit your mom over there?
Leonard: Yes. We'll also have time to put my junk in a garlic press, but I'm not doing that either.

Penny: All right, this is making me crazy. Somebody's got to go over there.
Leonard: You got feet and legs, you do it.