Bernadette: I would never let Howard work with an ex.
Penny: What, you wouldn't trust him?
Bernadette: I wouldn't trust her. He's thin and sexy like a Jewish greyhound.
Penny: Yeah, that - that is the sexiest dog.

Raj: Well, I may be moving out soon. I think I found a place to live.
Penny: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Raj: Really? You kept sending me apartment listings.
Penny: Um, well, I- Yeah, you got me.

Bernadette: You're still gonna go, right?
Amy: I don't know. Sheldon's so vulnerable right now.
Penny: Oh, come on. Look, if the roles were reversed, he'd be on the first train to New Jersey. Or the second train if there were teenagers on the first one.

Penny: All right, then we agree. He's not making any moves, it's this Dr. Ramona chick.
Bernadette: Nowitzki. I Googled her, she's pretty cute.
Penny: Really? All I got from Leonard was the Toblerone bar had nuts.

Leonard: How was Nebraska?
Penny: Oh, better than North Dakota! [silence] I guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska.
Sheldon: From the data at hand you really can't draw that conclusion. All you can say with absolute certainty is that that joke is not funny here.
Penny: Boy, it's good to be back.

Penny: So you've been using Sheldon as an excuse to get out of seeing your mother?
Amy: I know. I feel terrible. I love my mom but, you know, sometimes-
Penny: Yeah. We-We've met her.

William Shatner: Are we playing musical chairs or Dungeons & Dragons?
Penny: Yeah, let's teach that ogre what my broadsword tastes like.
William Shatner: I like your moxie.
Penny: Aw, and I like your grandpa words.

Leonard: Oh, a-and that, uh, the guy that played the werewolf on-on True Blood, he was there.
Penny: Wh-- Joe Manganiello?
Leonard: Uh, yeah.
Penny: From Magic Mike?
Leonard: What's that?
Penny: Okay, okay, did he look like this?
Leonard: He had his clothes on, but, yeah.

Wyatt: You two might want to talk louder or quieter.
Penny: In high school, he could hear me open a can of beer in my closet under a blanket.

Penny: Okay, that's my dad. Now, remember, do not bring up any baby stuff, all right? Not me not wanting one, not you having one with Zack.
Leonard: Got it.
Penny: And if he brings it up, change the subject to literally anything else.
Leonard: I got it.
Penny: But not the Cornhuskers. Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
Leonard: Is that a sports team?
Penny: Never mind, you're good.

Penny: Are you sure you're not just a little jealous?
Leonard: No. It's just, my way is better, but they won't even consider it.
Penny: Oh, well, it's their loss. Look, why don't you go to bed. I'll run out and get you some medicine.
Leonard: Ah, it's okay. Stuart gave me some when I was at the comic book store.
Penny: Really? You're taking medicine from Stuart? Doesn't he need, like, all of it?

Bernadette: So, I talked to your supervisor, and she said that she never stopped you from working on my team, because you never asked her.
Penny: Really? Oh, you know, you should know, she's been taking our new antidepressant, and lying is one of the main side effects.

Penny: Okay, Sheldon and Amy are still pretty upset about their theory being disproved.
Leonard: So we have made a list of subjects for everyone to avoid.
Penny: Symmetry.
Leonard: Asymmetry.
Penny: Uh, SimCity, sounds too much like symmetry.
Leonard: That also applies to The Simpsons, Simba from The Lion King, and cymbals.
Penny: Russia or Russian in any context. The country, the dressing, the roulette.

Penny: Is everything okay?
Leonard: No, I found a paper that proves their theory wrong. They thought this was gonna be their Nobel Prize. It's gonna break his heart.
Penny: Oh, man. Maybe leave an anonymous note, you know, like in high school, when you want to let your best friend know that her boyfriend's cheating on her.
Leonard: Why wouldn't you just tell her that?
Penny: I don't know. Maybe you had a hickey.
Leonard: Isn't it better to get bad news from a friend?
Penny: Trust me, it's not. I went to prom with a hickey and a black eye.

Bernadette: I dunno, I married for love and it turned out ... fine.
Penny: [silence] Oh, yeah, me, too.