Penny: Pickled herring. Who knew how good it was!
Leonard: Really? Sounds gross.
Penny: Looks gross. Smells gross. It's delicious! [knock on door] Ooh, that might be my salted cod!

Howard: Oh, good, you're here. Listen, we're thinking maybe we should go back to L.A.
Amy: Why?
Howard: We just can't be this far away from the kids. Bernie's having a meltdown, and, frankly, so am I.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, pull it together. This is a big day for me.
Howard: [scoffs] Yeah, I wasn't sure what to do. Now I am. We're going home.
Leonard: We'll join you.
Penny: Oh, wait. Do I get a vote in this?
Leonard: They'll have pickled herring on the plane.
Penny: Bye-bye.

Penny: Okay, that's it for the fish. We'll be back with the meatballs after a short word from our sponsor.

Leonard: How long is it gonna take you to get ready?
Penny: Oh, I just need, like, five or ten minutes.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: No. What is wrong with you?!

Penny: Leonard, you're back.
Leonard: Yeah, I just stopped by to say… [Penny grabs Leonard and kisses him] Yeah, so, hi!
Penny: Hi! [They stumble into her apartment while kissing]

Leonard: Okay, listen to me, this is just a minor setback.
Penny: No, it's not, okay? I've been out here for, like, ten years. I've nothing to show for it.
Leonard: Well, you have me.
Penny: You're right. I do have you. Mm. Let's get married.
Leonard: What?
Penny: Ooh. Leonard Hofstadter, will you marry me?
Leonard: Um…
Penny: Did you seriously just say um?
Leonard: Look, you know I love you but, but you're, you're drunk and sad and feeling lost.
Penny: Okay, so, so you don't want to marry me?
Leonard: That is not what I said.
Penny: No, forget it. I take it back. Offer's off the table.

Penny: Sing Soft Kitty to me.
Sheldon: Soft Kitty is for when you’re sick. You're not sick.
Penny: Injured and drugged is a kind of sick.
Sheldon: [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur…
Penny: Wait, wait. Let's sing it as a round. I'll start. [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… See that's where you come in. I'll start over. [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur… I've got all night, Sheldon. Soft kitty, warm kitty…
Both: [sing] ...little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.

Penny: All right, Sheldon, this craziness has gone on long enough. Please come home so I can cut your hair.
Sheldon: Penny, you're not trained. You're not licensed. Most importantly, you don't have access to my haircut records.
Penny: All right, honey, look, we've known each other for a long time now, right? I've taken you to Disneyland, I kicked a bully in the nuts for you, I sing you Soft Kitty when you're sick. You even saw me naked once.
Leonard: I'm sorry. Uh, what?
Penny: It was a long story. Anyway, Sheldon, I promise I know what I'm doing. Please let me cut your hair.

Sheldon: No, I don't want to go to sleep. You can't make me.
Penny: You're right, we can't.
Sheldon: Yeah, darn straight, you can't. Try to tell a grown man to go to sleep.
Penny: [sings] Soft kitty, warm kitty.
Leonard: [sings] Little ball of fur.
Sheldon: That's not gonna work.
Penny: Happy kitty, sleepy kitty.
Leonard & Penny: Purr, purr, purr.

Bernadette: So what are you working on these days?
Amy: I'm studying one-celled organisms to try and find the neurochemicals that lead to the feeling of shame.
Bernadette: What would a one-celled organism have to feel ashamed about?
Penny: Same as all of us. Getting out of a car without underwear.

Bernadette: So, I'm glad you guys are here. There's something I want to share with you. Howie and I are going to-
Penny: (phone beeps) Leonard says you're pregnant.
Amy: What?
Penny: "Don't say anything. Act surprised when she tells you." All right, how you want to do this?

Dr. Gallo: Let's put that aside for a minute and talk about why you married Leonard.
Penny: (whispering) I don't wanna.
Dr. Gallo: Here is a man raised by an overbearing woman who completely dominated every aspect of his formative years. Do you think he's perpetuating that relationship by seeking out a partner like you?
Penny: You know, I used to wear tank tops a lot. That was a big selling point.

Penny: Sheldon, I can't believe you got us a wedding gift.
Sheldon: I don't know why you're so surprised. I watch movies. I see what people do.
Leonard: What is this?
Sheldon: Plane tickets and hotel reservations for a weekend away in San Francisco.
Penny: That is so great!
Sheldon: Yeah, there's fisherman's wharf, and Alcatraz, and cable cars. We're gonna have so much fun.
Penny: We?
Sheldon: Is there a problem?
Penny: Uh, no, no. I just said "Weeee!"

Penny: Ooh, I'm going to check the fridge and see if there are any clues inside a beer.

Penny: If you do something cool in science, you might change the world. If I become a famous actress ... I'm not going to tell you why movie stars are the best, they just are.