Sheldon: You know what? Let me give you a better question. Here, um, "Dr. Cooper, "I heard you were working on a top-secret project "for the U.S. military. Why don't you tell us about that?" See, that's a great question.
Dr. Harris: Okay, what was that like?
Sheldon: Oh, I can't tell you that, it's top-secret.

Sheldon: Oh, this again. So Penny proposed, you didn't say yes, and now you think you may have lost her love forever. How does this compare to me being forced to relax for a few days?
Leonard: It doesn't!
Sheldon: Thank you.

Sheldon: Do either of you know Beyonce? I'd love her to get behind it.

Sheldon: Ladies.
Penny: What's up?
Sheldon: As you may know, I have been experimenting with elevated anxiety levels, and I thought what better way to increase my discomfort than to subject myself to an evening of tasteless, uncensored crotch talk.

Raj: And you know we get to name it.
Sheldon: We better choose a name no one can make fun of. Sir Frederick William Herschel didn't do Uranus any favors.

Sheldon: You want some mutton and coconut milk?
Amy: No.
Sheldon: Boy I can not give this stuff away.

Sheldon: Amy's upset? Is it about me?
Leonard: No, I think it's because we're eloping.
Sheldon: Your marriage is causing her pain? You know great, I take it back. Go ahead and do it. Yay for love!

Wil Wheaton: Hello, Sheldon. I suppose you've come here to tell me that you've moved me to your super secret enemies list.
Sheldon: I don't have a super secret enemies list. I'm not a Bond villain. I'm just a regular guy, with a regular enemies list.

Adam Nimoy: What was it about Spock that appealed to you?
Sheldon: I think the same thing that appeals to people everywhere, the dream of a cold, rational world entirely without human emotion.
Spock came from a planet governed only by logic.
You know, on Vulcan, when your brother asks, "Why are you hitting yourself?" The answer is, "I'm not. You're moving my arm." To which he says, "fascinating." And then you both watch educational television.

Sheldon: Read it back to me?
Leonard: Oh, hang on. "Yes, one might question the $20 billion "to build and run the Large Hadron Collider, but on the other hand..."
Sheldon: Okay. Um, oh, oh! "On the other hand, contrary to predictions, the collider didn't create a small black hole that devoured the Earth and life as we know it." So, money well spent.

Leonard: When did we get a wall safe?
Sheldon: When there was no more room in the floor safe.
Leonard: When did we get a floor safe?
Sheldon: When we got the security camera.
Leonard: There's a security camera?
Sheldon: Aquaman, protecting your home since 2012.
Penny: Oh, my God. We've done things on that couch.
Sheldon: Yeah, you don't have to tell me.

Sheldon: I've just discovered I don't have enough room on my hard drive for a Linux partition, so you and I are going to perform a full backup, re-initialize and then re-install all my operating systems.

Sheldon: Studies are shown that performing tasks such as eating, talking on a cell phone or drinking coffee while driving reduces ones reaction time by the same factors as ounce of alcohol.

Penny: You know, they have a really nice bar over at the Olive Garden.
Sheldon: I don't like the Olive Garden. They treat me like family.

Raj: Hey, Sheldon, guess what I've heard today.
Sheldon: I'd imagine you heard any number of things today. When you arrived at work, you undoubtedly heard: Hello, Raj; How are you, Raj; and given you're wearing a new sweater vest, you may have heard: "New Sweater Vest" and possible, though less likely "Nice Sweater Vest."