Sheldon: It turns out being sweet isn't enough to keep a girl these days. I blame Madonna.

Sheldon: Okay, I know you're texting about me and I'd really like you to stop.

Sheldon: As I have explained repeatedly, unlike you, I don't need validation from lesser minds. No offense.
Leonard: Really, so why did you come?
Sheldon: Because I knew you’d screw this up.
Leonard: I didn't screw it up.
Sheldon: Oh, please. I admit, that spherical chicken joke, that was hilarious. But it was straight downhill from there.

Sheldon: Everything is stupid and I want to go home.
Leonard: That's Sheldon's way of saying he's proud of Bert, too.

Sheldon: If my apples are mealy, we can hit the supermarket for one last blowout. I'll even let you push the trolley.

Sheldon: Wait. The premise is that he is dressed differently?
Howard: Yeah.
Sheldon: (laughing) That's true. He is not dressed the same.

Amy: I'm not sleeping on the couch 'cause you don't know what's private and what's not.
Sheldon: This isn't fair. You've discussed aspects of our physical relationship with Penny.
Amy: That's different! She's a close friend, not the lady in the cafeteria who cuts the crust off your sandwiches!
Sheldon: That lady has a name. I don't know what it is, but one time, I accidentally called her "Mom".

Amy: I think I'm just gonna go over here and sit on the couch.
Sheldon: Oh, great. Then we will move on to stage two: the pitching of woo.

Sheldon: Leonard? Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You realize you and I could become brothers.
Leonard: We're not gonna be brothers. We're not gonna be step brothers. Go to sleep.
Sheldon: I hope you're right. 'Cause a grown man living with his brother and his brother's wife is weird.

Leonard: I can't believe you took a gift from me and gave it to another man.
Sheldon: Really? Of all the things she's given to other men, that's what you're concerned about?

Stuart: All right, let's see what you got. Huh. Is this a complete run of Todd McFarlane's Spawn?
Sheldon: (gasps loudly) Yes.
Stuart: Ooh, look at this. Giant-Size X-Men number one, Len Wein's relaunch of the franchise.
Sheldon: Yeah. I know what it is. I'm the one who bought it, bagged it, boarded it and taped it shut while wearing white cotton gloves.

Sheldon: Hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Hi.
Sheldon: Are you doing anything?
Leonard: No. I'm just sitting here at my desk typing on my computer for nothing.
Sheldon: That was my guess, but I didn't want to assume.

Penny: So you guys are upset because the collider thing disproved your theories?
Leonard: It's worse than that. It hasn't found anything in years, so we don't know if we're right, we don't know if we're wrong. We don't know where to go next.
Sheldon: All I know is it looks like I tongue-kissed Avatar.

Sheldon: Wow. You're dead, so I'm going to let that slide.

Amy: Sheldon, I've made more than enough accommodations for you. We're both grown adults. We've been far more intimate than this. If you don't want to snuggle, fine. But we're not building a pillow wall.
Sheldon: Okay, well, I am sorry. I'm just worried that my sensitivity to temperature could make this a rough night. And no offense, but your bottom radiates enough heat, I'm surprised there aren't iguanas lying on it.