Sheldon: I am very, very sorry for what I have done. Here's your laundry, I rescind your strikes and you are no longer banished.

Sheldon: Gotta run. (Looks down at scissors) But not with scissors, that would be unsafe.

Sheldon: That's right. I'm in a boy-girl relationship with this cute little lump of wool.

Sheldon: It's a physical relationship, too. With hand-holding, hugging - even on hot days! ... Oww! Here's a new one, apparently we kick each other on the shins under the table.

Sheldon: It's great you're here. I'd love to get an engineer's opinion.
Howard: Sure.
Sheldon: This chair is squeaky. Now, do I fix it or get a new one?

Penny: How can you not be happy? You're tall, thin and famous. ... Oh my God, I'm jealous of Sheldon.

Sheldon: She chose to have a home birth. Because she wants to live in the stone age, and a cave wasn't available.

Sheldon: Where's my lemonade?
Penny: I didn't get it.
Sheldon: A fitting swan song to your career as a waitress to forget my order one last time.

Sheldon: Oh look, a quarter!

Sheldon: Oh, that's a lot of incense. ... Or somebody set a hippie on fire.

Amy: It's sweet that you care about him so much.
Sheldon: I do. And I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to him, and I wasn't at his bedside to say "I told you so".

Sheldon: I assume this medical center's already treated the burns on your bottom from the recent pants fire.
Penny: Cause I'm a liar, liar?
Sheldon: That's for the Fire Marshall to determine.

Sheldon: What kind of store in the 21st century doesn't at least have WiFi? I'm gonna call their corporate office.
Son of a biscuit!

Amy: You applied for a mission to be a colonist on another planet and couldn't be bothered to tell me?
Sheldon: Would you have approved?
Amy: Of course not.
Sheldon: Well, based on your reaction, it looks like I made the right choice. Isn't that right, Giuseppe.

Sheldon: Are you sure? I've heard that on those sites, often when you think you're corresponding with someone, it's actually a computer program pretending to be a real person.
Raj: And you're afraid it'll do a better job than you?
Sheldon: Excuse me. No one does a better job pretending to be a person than I do. Siri comes close, but I know more jokes.