Sheldon: Thank you Kripke for depriving me of the opportunity to share my news with my friends.
Kripke: My pleasure.
Sheldon: My thank you was not sincere.
Kripke: Hmm, but my pleasure is.

Sheldon: Well if it isn't Wil Wheaton, the Jar Jar Binks of the Star Trek Universe.

Penny: Ugh, I cannot believe Christy let Howard into my apartment.
Sheldon: And I cannot believe people pay for horoscopes. But on a more serious note, it's 8:13 and we're still not playing "Halo".

Sheldon: To amend the words of Toy Story, you have not got a friend in me.

Sheldon: Biologists are mean.

Penny: Hay Leonard, check this out. * Throws won-ton in the air and catches it in her mouth *
Sheldon: Leonard, she's doing it again.
Leonard: I think it upsets Sheldon when you play with the food.
Sheldon: No, it upsets Sheldon when she willy-nilly takes it from the containers with out guard of equitable distribution. * Turns to Raj * This is essentially why you have famine in India.
Penny: You want me to put it back? *Said with mouth full of food *
Sheldon: Leonard!
Leonard: It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.

Sheldon: Where exactly does the half-sandwich come from? Are you giving me half of someone else's sandwich, or do I have to wait for someone in the restaurant to order the other half?

Sheldon: Clarify something for me. Isn't the point of a communal meal the exchange of ideas and opinions, an opportunity to consider important issues of the day?
Leonard: It is. You just kinda put a damper on things when you said, 'The next person I see talking with food in their mouth will be put to death'.

Sheldon: All right, we're going to be designing an experiment to look for the annihilation spectrum resulting from dark matter collisions in space.
Raj: Ooh, dark matter. We better bring a flashlight, ha, ha.
Sheldon stares at Raj.
Raj: I was making a joke.
Sheldon: I'm the boss. I make the jokes.
Raj: Sorry, go ahead and make your joke.
Sheldon: This is not the time for joking.

Leonard: What would I even say?
Sheldon: "Zack, I'm sorry you're stupid. Have a Milk Dud."
Raj: A Milk Dud?
Sheldon: Yeah, Milk Duds, with their self-deprecating name and remarkably mild flavor, are the most apologetic of the boxed candies.
Leonard: I got a better idea. Were all responsible. I say we all go. Come on, who's with me? Free comic books to anyone who comes with me. I might get punched. You really want to miss that?
Raj: Junior Mints are pretty apologetic.
Sheldon: You're embarrassing yourself.

DMV Worker: Here's your learner's permit. Go away.
Sheldon: But I'm not done. I have many additional concerns about these questions.
DMV Worker: Don't make me climb over this counter!

Sheldon: Pay no attention to that man in the bed.

Sheldon: Wow, I'm feeling the urge to hug you. And 1, and 2. All right, Gollum, we're good.

Sheldon: The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.

Sheldon: Excuse me, but the problem is not solved. If your head had been accidentally amputated and we transplanted a dog's head in its place, would that be problem solved?
Leonard: If it were your head it would be.