Sheldon: Well, those are indicators that I'm farther along the evolutionary scale than the average human.
Leonard: No kidding.
Sheldon: Well, no, no, I'm not going to go so far as to say that I represent a distinct new stage in humankind. You know, a Homo Novus, if you will. No, that's for anthropologists to decide. But I am convinced that the reason I cannot master the plebeian task of driving is because I'm not meant to.

Sheldon: Good morning, gentlemen.
Leonard: Hey.
Raj: Good morning. Is there some new kind of casual Friday I don't know about?
Leonard: No, he lives here now.
Howard: Really? Why?
Leonard: Well, since he won't take the bus and he's too evolved to drive, he decided it would be easier to just sleep in his office and shower in the radiation lab until I'm finished with my experiment.
Raj: But you finished your experiment a week ago.
Leonard: Yep.

Leonard: Assuming that everything you say is true, how does the biologically superior Homo Novus get to work tomorrow morning?
Sheldon: Homo Novus doesn't know.
Leonard: Well, hang in there. Maybe you'll evolve into something with wings.

Leonard: So wait,you're just gonna give up?
Sheldon: No, I'm not giving up. I never give up.
Leonard: So what is it you're doing?
Sheldon: I'm transcending the situation. I'm clearly too evolved for driving.

Sheldon: No. I quit. [After Sheldon stands up, there is a crashing sound from the driving simulation. Then pained noises from animals]
Leonard: Aw, the pet store?
Sheldon: Remind me to compliment Wolowitz on the software, it's amazingly detailed.

Sheldon: Statistically, red cars are stopped by police far more often than any other color. I don't want any hassles with the fuzz.

Leonard: Okay, now, what you want to do first is turn on the ignition and shift into drive.
Sheldon: I haven't fastened my seat belt yet.
Leonard: Okay, fasten your seat belt.
Sheldon: Click. Now, are there air bags?
Leonard: You don't need air bags.
Sheldon: What if a simulated van rear-ends me?
Penny: I'll hit you in the face with a pillow.

Howard: Fine, what colour do you want?
Sheldon: You know the pale blue of Luke Skywalker's lightsaber, before it was digitally remastered?
Howard: Black it is.

Howard: Sheldon, why are you arguing with the DMV?
Sheldon: How else are they going to learn? Look, question 2, "When are roadways most slippery?" Now, okay, there are three answers, none of which are correct. The correct answer is, when covered by a film of liquid sufficient to reduce the coefficient of static friction between the tire and the road to essentially zero, but not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction.

Leonard: Sheldon, sit down.
Sheldon: She's in my spot. Don't look at me like that. Everybody knows that's my spot.

Penny: Sheldon, you know that we care about you.
Howard: And it's because we care about you that we've decided we have to speak up.
Penny: You're hurting the people around you, sweetie.
Leonard: So we made you an appointment, and we want you to keep it.
Sheldon: Department of Motor Vehicles new driver handbook? But I don't have a problem.
Leonard: Sheldon, you need to learn how to drive.

Howard: This madness has to stop.
Leonard: Penny's taking you to the DMV, I'm going to bed.
Sheldon: Why Penny?
Leonard: Because rock breaks scissors. Goodnight.

DMV Worker: Application?
Sheldon: I'm actually more of a theorist.
Howard: The application in your hand, give it to her.
Sheldon: Oh.

Raj: Why did Howard leave you in the middle of the road anyway?
Sheldon: We had a difference of opinion.
Raj: Over what?
Sheldon: Whether or not he was trying to kill me. For the record, I maintain he was.

Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, there you are, I'm ready to go home.
Leonard: I just got here.
Sheldon: Good, perfect timing.