Season 5 Quotes Page 1 of 57

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Quote from Mary Cooper in the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: It's all themed. There's Jonah and the Whale Watching. All-you-can-eat Last Supper Buffet. And my personal favorite, Gunning with God.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Vacation Solution

Howard: I'm not signing a prenup.
Penny: All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up! You sign anything she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man alive. If you let her go, there is no way you can find anyone else. Speaking on behalf of all women, it is not going to happen, we had a meeting.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Friendship Contraction

Sheldon: I would have been here sooner but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: Sheldon, you're a condescending jerk. Why on earth would I want to do something nice for you?
Sheldon: To go to Jewish heaven.
Howard: Jews don't have heaven.
Sheldon: To avoid Jewish hell?
Howard: Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish hell.

Quote from Amy in the episode The Shiny Trinket Maneuver

Amy: Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met! Do you really think another transparently manipulative - Oh, it's a tiara! Put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Wiggly Finger Catalyst

Penny: (Whispers) Here she comes.
Howard: Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick doesn't hear you!

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter in the episode The Skank Reflex Analysis

Leonard: Well, uh, okay, um, I dont want to get back together with Penny. We tried it, it was crazy, it didn't work, but I can't deal with the fact that she slept with my friend Raj. And then I find out that Raj's sister Priya, who I've been going out with for eight months, is moving back to India. So I'm just completely confused and alone.
Beverly Hofstadter: I understand.
Leonard: Got any advice?
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes. Buck up.
Leonard: Excuse me. You're a world-renowned expert in parenting and child development, and all you've got is buck up?
Beverly Hofstadter: Sorry. Buck up, sissy pants.

Quote from Barry Kripke in the episode The Stag Convergence

Barry Kripke: Yes, yes, yes. He's a jolly good fellow. What time do the strippers arrive?

Quote from Bernadette in the episode The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

Bernadette: I'm too small for Twister. And roller coasters. And sitting with my feet on the floor. Hope you enjoyed the prenatal cigarettes, Mom.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

(Sheldon knocks on Penny's door three times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

Howard: I thought you didn't like Facebook any more.
Sheldon: Don't be silly, I'm a fan of anything that tries to replace actual human contact.

Quote from Amy in the episode The Shiny Trinket Maneuver

Penny: You look beautiful.
Amy: Of course I do, I'm a princess and this is my tiara!

Quote from Penny in the episode The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

Bernadette: Doesn't he know you have a boyfriend?
Penny: She doesn't have a boyfriend, she has a Sheldon.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Transporter Malfunction

Leonard: Once you open the box it loses its value.
Penny: Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

(Howard has just told Mary about his upcoming trip to the International Space Station.)
Mary Cooper: I bet your mom is really proud of you.
Howard: Nope. She says if I don't back out, she's gonna go on a hunger strike. It'd take years before she'd be in any kind of danger, but still.

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