Mary Cooper: It's all themed. There's Jonah and the Whale Watching. All-you-can-eat Last Supper Buffet. And my personal favorite, Gunning with God.

Howard: I'm not signing a prenup.
Penny: All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up! You sign anything she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man alive. If you let her go, there is no way you can find anyone else. Speaking on behalf of all women, it is not going to happen, we had a meeting.

Sheldon: I would have been here sooner but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.

Howard: Sheldon, you're a condescending jerk. Why on earth would I want to do something nice for you?
Sheldon: To go to Jewish heaven.
Howard: Jews don't have heaven.
Sheldon: To avoid Jewish hell?
Howard: Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish hell.

Amy: Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met! Do you really think another transparently manipulative - Oh, it's a tiara! Put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me.

Penny: (Whispers) Here she comes.
Howard: Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick doesn't hear you!

Barry Kripke: Yes, yes, yes. He's a jolly good fellow. What time do the strippers arrive?

Leonard: Well, uh, okay, um, I dont want to get back together with Penny. We tried it, it was crazy, it didn't work, but I can't deal with the fact that she slept with my friend Raj. And then I find out that Raj's sister Priya, who I've been going out with for eight months, is moving back to India. So I'm just completely confused and alone.
Beverly Hofstadter: I understand.
Leonard: Got any advice?
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes. Buck up.
Leonard: Excuse me. You're a world-renowned expert in parenting and child development, and all you've got is buck up?
Beverly Hofstadter: Sorry. Buck up, sissy pants.

Bernadette: I'm too small for Twister. And roller coasters. And sitting with my feet on the floor. Hope you enjoyed the prenatal cigarettes, Mom.

(Sheldon knocks on Penny's door three times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny. (Knocks 3 times)
Penny: Who do we love?
Sheldon: Penny.

Howard: I thought you didn't like Facebook any more.
Sheldon: Don't be silly, I'm a fan of anything that tries to replace actual human contact.

Penny: You look beautiful.
Amy: Of course I do, I'm a princess and this is my tiara!

Bernadette: Doesn't he know you have a boyfriend?
Penny: She doesn't have a boyfriend, she has a Sheldon.

Leonard: More Halloween candy. Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?
Penny: Oh, yeah. That's gone. It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time.

Leonard: Once you open the box it loses its value.
Penny: Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it.