Season 5 Quotes Page 1 of 56
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Sheldon: Would you like some aloe vera? 'cause you just got burned.
Sheldon: The need to find another human being to share one's life with has always puzzled me. Maybe because I'm so interesting all by myself. With that being said, may you find as much happiness with each other as I find on my own.
Amy: Stop it! Today is not about you, it's about Howard and Bernadette, and me!
Amy: Bernadette, I want to thank you for allowing me to be your maid of honor. I also want you to know that I will be happy to do it again if this marriage craps out.
Amy: I love his eidetic memory, it's so sexy. Sheldon, what are the ingredients in Pringles?
Sheldon: Dried potatoes, vegetable oil, corn flour, wheat starch, maltodextrin, salt, and my favorite ingredient of all, uniformity.
Amy: The uterus quivers, does it not?
Mrs. Wolowitz: What kind of breakfast do you think they're going to give you in Russia?
Howard: They invented blintzes. I'll be fine.
Mrs. Wolowitz: They invented the lightbulb in New Jersey. It doesn't mean they hand them out to you when you go.
Amy: No, no, no, this is not the wedding I wanted. I wanted to wear my maid of honor dress and walk down the aisle with a hundred eyes on me, while a string quartet plays The Way You Look Tonight.
Bernadette: That wasn't going to be our procession music.
Amy: Well, it was going to be mine.
Penny: Hey, I know tons of people who got married in Vegas.
Bernadette: Are any of them still married?
Penny: Yeah. I mean not to the same people, but...
Sheldon: I bought you and Bernadette a gravy boat worth eighty-eight dollars. Which places me in your debt and I can't be in your debt because someday you might ask me to help you move. Or to kill a man.
Leonard: I doubt he'll ask you to kill a man.
Sheldon: Well, what if it's his only way out? I can't risk it.
Mr. Rostenkowski: Here you go.
Bernadette: "Here you go?" What am I, a football?
Mr. Rostenkowski: Like that guy could catch a football.
Penny: I can't believe it. This whole time, a small part of me thought he was lying.
Mike Rostenkowski: Your new mother-in-law's a piece of work.
Bernadette: Not now, Dad.
Mike Rostenkowski: She's got a bigger mustache than me.
Howard: Hey Mike?
Mike Massimino: Yeah.
Howard: I changed my mind. I don't want to do this.
Mike: Good one.
Howard: Yeah, I'm a funny guy. I also have a hysterical bit planned for later where I pretend to cry through the whole launch.
Leonard: There's Howard's rocket, live from Kazakhstan.
Bernadette: Oh, God, I'm so nervous. I don't think I can watch.
Raj: Youre nervous? I've been stress-eating for four days. Look at me. I'm wearing my fat pants.
Sheldon: Remarkable. In just under a half hour, 200 metric tons of fuel will ignite in a controlled explosion right beneath Howard's keister. And all from a country whose entire contribution to the global economy has been Tetris and mail-order brides.