Season 12 Quotes Page 1 of 11

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Quote from Howard in the episode The Conjugal Configuration

Raj: Sounds like someone's in there.
Bernadette: My God, what if Sheldon and Amy are getting robbed?
Howard: Or worse, what if they're back early?

Quote from Penny in the episode The Conjugal Configuration

Penny: You know, you compared us to the strangest couple we know, and we know Amy and Sheldon, Howard and Bernadette, Raj and his twitchy little dog.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Conjugal Configuration

Amy: How's this for a compromise? Make all the schedules you want, just don't tell me about them.
Sheldon: Excellent. I'll create an algorithm that'll generate a pseudo-random schedule.
Yeah, and do you know why it won't be a true random schedule?
Amy: Because the generation of true random numbers remains an unsolved problem in computer science.
Sheldon: Come with me.
Amy: Where are we going?
Sheldon: To the hotel room. And when we get there, I'm gonna need you to say that again, except naked.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Amy: Well, Leonard and Penny are our best friends. They know us better than anyone. They said it's the perfect gift. We must be missing something. You don't think it's a marital aid, do you?
Sheldon: Don't be silly. Amy, how is this big glass shaft going to aid our marriage?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Amy: Let's just go to sleep. We'll look at it in the morning with fresh eyes, and maybe it'll come to us.
Sheldon: Fine.
Amy: Or we go tear apart that box and look for a clue.
Sheldon: Staying up past my bedtime and solving mysteries? Who knew married life could be this good?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Sheldon: Howard, I don't often say this, but, good, you're here.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Sheldon: Now, do you know what Leonard and Penny got us for our wedding gift?
Howard: Well-
Sheldon: Don't answer. I don't want to know. I just want to know if you know.
Howard: I do know.
Sheldon: Okay, great. I believe that Amy and I have figured it out. Is it a clue to a scavenger hunt that will lead us to the actual present?
Howard: If you're asking if you and Amy should spend the next couple days running all over town searching for the next clue, I'm gonna have to say yes.
Sheldon: I knew it! This is so much fun.
Howard: Oh, it really is.

Quote from Amy in the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Amy: We wrote you a special thank you note.
Leonard: Oh.
Penny: Are those words?
Sheldon: No. It's a secret code that you two get to figure out together.
Amy: Hint: it's based on Sanskrit, but not the Sanskrit you're thinking of. (laughs)
Sheldon: And best of all, you can't use the Internet to cheat.
Amy: Because we locked you out of your Wi-Fi, and the answer to this is your new password.
Leonard: I'm no longer happy.

Quote from Dr. Koothrappali in the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Dr. Koothrappali: Hello?
Raj: Hey, Dad.
Dr. Koothrappali: Rajesh. What a nice surprise, calling me on my birthday.
Raj: Yes. That's why I'm calling. And-and what better gift to give you than the gift of marrying an Indian woman, just like you've always wanted.
Dr. Koothrappali: My goodness, Rajesh, this is exciting news. Who is she?
Raj: You tell me.
Dr. Koothrappali: What?
Raj: I want you to arrange a marriage for me. I'm just so tired of being single, and I'm finally just I'm-I'm ready to settle down.
Dr. Koothrappali: I can't just call up some girl's dad and make her marry you. It's-it's not 2015 anymore.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Stuart: Do you still want to go out with me?
Denise: Absolutely. Hey, maybe we can go find Nemo together.
Stuart: That's a good one.
Denise: Do your 63 other crayon friends know you're out?
Stuart: Are you just gonna make fun of me all night?
Denise: Probably.
Stuart: Great. So what are we thinking, Chinese?
Denise: Yeah, I'm in the mood for orange chicken.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Procreation Calculation

Amy: Hey. Wait a minute, what about us? I mean, we're married now. Maybe we want to buy the house next door.
Sheldon: Well, Amy, we can't move. I'd have to change all the tags in my underwear.
Amy: You can buy new ones.
Sheldon: New house, new underwear. What am I, in the Witness Protection Program?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Procreation Calculation

Amy: You're really letting your father pick out a wife?
Raj: Why not? Arranged marriages have been working for thousands of years. Anu and I come from similar backgrounds, our families get along and we each filled out questionnaires, so we know we're not wasting our time with someone who's not compatible.
Penny: Oh, that sounds so dry and clinical.
Sheldon: You lucky duck.

Quote from Bernadette in the episode The Procreation Calculation

Howard: Enjoying your book?
Bernadette: So much.
Howard: Why do you keep poking at it?
Bernadette: Fine, I'm shopping on my phone.
Howard: You're the one who said you wanted to read more.
Bernadette: Yes, I also tell people I only feed the kids organic. It's just stuff you say.

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Procreation Calculation

Leonard: Next question. Uh, "how close are you with your family?"
Penny: Pretty close.
Leonard: I'm gonna say not too close, but I'm hoping to get farther.

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Procreation Calculation

Leonard: "How are you with pets?" Well, I did take care of Sheldon for 15 years, and he only bit me twice.

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