Season 1 Quotes Page 1 of 36
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Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.
Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.
Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, it's the phone.
Howard: I know it's the phone, Ma. I can hear the phone.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well who's calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour.
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?
Mary: He gets his temper from his daddy.
Mary: He's got my eyes.
Leonard: I see!
Mary: All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus.
Howard: Sheldon, if you were a robot and I knew and you didn't, would you want me to tell you?
Sheldon: That depends. When I learn that I'm a robot, will I be able to handle it?
Howard: Maybe, although the history of science fiction is not on your side.
Leonard: Well, the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half.
Raj: Oh, sure, cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from.
Mary Cooper: I'm sorry, did I start that sentence with the words, "If it pleases your highness?"
Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures thus intimidating one's opponent.
Raj: Then we could be the Bengal tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice. You know, gram for gram no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Raj: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.
Leonard: I don't believe it. What's gotten into him?
Penny: Oh, maybe a couple of virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kinda slutty.
Leonard: You didn't.
Penny: Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.
Howard: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.
Howard: Just do it!
Penny: It's a non-optional social convention.
Sheldon: Oh, fair enough.
Howard: He came with a manual.
Sheldon: Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.
Leonard: Oh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.
Leonard: Just reset the board!
Sheldon: It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.
Wolowitz: That's more like we're a tall thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your Dalmatians.
Rajesh: Missy. Do you enjoy pajamas?
Missy: I guess.
Rajesh: Yes, well, we Indians invented them. You're welcome.
Howard: Yeah, well my people invented circumcision. You're welcome.
Sheldon: Wait, put this in the bathroom.
Leonard: What for?
Sheldon: I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.
Leonard: I mix pancake batter in this!
Sheldon: No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.
Leonard: You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make a label that said "urine cup"?
Sheldon: It's right here on the bottom.
Leonard: Huh, I guess I owe the Betty Crocker Company a letter of apology.