Season 1 Quotes Page 1 of 37

Searching Search quotes

Quote from Howard in the episode The Tangerine Factor

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Um, Penny, that's where I sit.
Penny: So, sit next to me.
Sheldon: No, I sit there.
Penny: What's the difference?
Sheldon: "What's the difference"?
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows, there and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide to create a parallax distortion. I could go on, but I think I've made my point.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz in the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, it's the phone.
Howard: I know it's the phone, Ma. I can hear the phone.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well who's calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour.
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.

Quote from Mary Cooper in the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary: He gets his temper from his daddy.
Leonard: Ah!
Mary: He's got my eyes.
Leonard: I see!
Mary: All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus.

Quote from Raj in the episode The Dumpling Paradox

Leonard: Well, the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half.
Raj: Oh, sure, cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from.

Quote from Leonard in the episode Pilot

Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Bat Jar Conjecture

Wolowitz: That's more like we're a tall thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your Dalmatians.

Quote from Mary Cooper in the episode The Luminous Fish Effect

Mary Cooper: I'm sorry, did I start that sentence with the words, "If it pleases your highness?"

Quote from Raj in the episode The Bat Jar Conjecture

Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures thus intimidating one's opponent.
Raj: Then we could be the Bengal tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice. You know, gram for gram no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Raj: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Peanut Reaction

Howard: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.
Penny: What?
Howard: Just do it!
Penny: It's a non-optional social convention.
Sheldon: Oh, fair enough.
Howard: He came with a manual.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Grasshopper Experiment

Leonard: I don't believe it. What's gotten into him?
Penny: Oh, maybe a couple of virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kinda slutty.
Leonard: You didn't.
Penny: Hey, you do your little experiments, I do mine.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Big Bran Hypothesis

Sheldon: Oh gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Pancake Batter Anomaly

Sheldon: Checkmate.
Leonard: Oh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.
Leonard: Just reset the board!
Sheldon: It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.

Quote from Howard in the episode Pilot

Howard: Wait till you see this.
Raj: It's fantastic. Unbelievable!
Leonard: See what?
Howard: (Putting in DVD) It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974.
Leonard: This isn't a good time.
Howard: (Imitating Stephen Hawking) It's before he became a creepy computer voice.

Showing quotes 1 to 15 of 541Sort by  popularity | date added | episode